wow...

encounter #1
was sitting at a jazz club in west village... overheard this guy who supposedly writes for a small jazz paper talking to a friend of mine... "if you want to have your cds reviewed, the most important thing is to write up an impressive press release... because most of time, i don't even listen to the cds but just copy what's written on the press release so it's really important you make is impressive..." he was admitting it so freely... i knew that we were never going to be friends... later that night, i was saying goodbye to my friens outside the club... this guy who didn't say a word to me came up to me the last minute and asked me whati did... "i play cello..." i answered... he immidiately went on saying "i love cello...! we should play together sometime...!" which i replied with "well, you've never even heard me play..." he looked confused and asked "why, what do you play...?" and i said "i play noisy stuff..." he started to make some stupid gestures with his hands and said "you mean like this...?" with a weird expression on his face... i didn't bother to say any further... wasn't going to waste my energy... but he sure made an impression...

encounter #2
the other night i was doing a gig as a "favor" for the same friend from encounter #1 which wasn't really a good idea... it was at a bar and i really don't like playing in that circumstance anymore... on top of that it was supposed to start at 11 pm but we didn't get to start until 12:30 ish... i was exhausted and resenting the whole situation... i know many of my friends don't mind playing at bars and even like it... good for them but i just cannot handle... anyway... the gig didn't stop until 1:30 and my right thumb was bleeding from rubbing and was having a hard time with the balance on the stage... but still i did my best trying to make music... i think there were maybe 6 people in the audince left at that point which was fine... but i guess i didn't look so thrilled when the friend i was playing for announced my name on the stage... so after the gig, i was sitting outside and this guy from encounter #1 came up to me... he said "i really liked your playing but you should show more appreciation to the audience..." i thought about swallowing up my words but then i didn't know why i should let him lecture me after playing my ass off, trying to make the best situation out of the whole thing... who was playing on the stage, excuse me...? so i said to the guy "dude, i just finished playing and really don't need you to tell me what i should be like on the stage..." and his response was "oh, it was light hearted... didn't know you were going to take it that way..." and he left red faced...

so to sum it up... i don't like this guy... i'm just glad none of my friends are like that...

music is such a weird thing...

i was going through "friend requests" on my myspace page... it really sounds retarded when you write it down that way... anyway...

one of the bands/person had his/her playing bach suite on amplified violin with some kind of drum beat underneath... then there was some sort of processing in the middle... and i was like, is it really possible for someone to think it's some way of "reinventing" classical music... bach's suites are masterpieces... as good as music gets... just leave them alone... don't try to mask it with your agenda to make you feel like you are doing something cool... have some respect... that's when i began to think yet again about what "music" must mean to some other people... be honest i don't know what it really means to most of people... i know many of my friends make music because they must... but still it's only a fraction of the world... and i'm sure people who are not in this kind of music that my friends and i do, they do it because they must... but why is it hard for me to deny i feel like there is something seriously different... of course there's no denying that one big part of it is the "business" side... even in this so-called experimental music, there's always that aspect of so-called "music business" part... because no matter what you do, how underground it's supposed to be, it ends up following the protocol set by the main stream music and culture... and everyone wants to have a piece of it... whatever it might be... and that part of it will never go away...

i don't really have a point or anything here... just observing... and pondering upon things as usual... and hoping i'll be able to stand on my conviction until the last day... but then how pure is my conviction...?