california split...
since i just discovered early altman films like "the long goodbye", i was very excited to see that film forum was showing his "california split" with elliott gould and george seagal... last night sitting on my favorite seat, without any obstructed view except a little bit by this guy's baseball cap in the right corner, i was able to immerse myself into the world of reality ca. 1974 LA according to altman... and what a touching experience it was... from the beginning i couldn't help myself getting attached to the characters emotionally... really felt like i was in the same physical space with these guys and watching them and be a part of their interaction... feeling their shared joy, passion and frustration toward to gambling... i don't want to give away the ending but i found it rather heartbreaking...
we live in a world that we literally begin as strangers... even with your family... then for some odd reasons or no real reasons, we end up becoming friends or even more with certain people... then up to certain point we open up, share our lives, develop certain kind of expectations, relationships and even love... then also the time comes that you realize that the other person is not in the same place as you are or, even worse (?), there's no more place for the relationship to go to... then... most of people say goodbye... sometimes it can be mutual and sometimes it can be plain hurtful... or sometimes you decide not to say goodbye and hold on to it... or sometimes you don't even say goodbye and let things fade... and you move on...
now i'm old enough to call myself an adult (ha!), i can accept that there is such a thing as dealing with emotional attachments in a "grown-up" way... but still it's hard not to feel sad and curled up inside doing it... why can it all work out...?
sometimes i just feel like i don't know anything anymore... eh...
we live in a world that we literally begin as strangers... even with your family... then for some odd reasons or no real reasons, we end up becoming friends or even more with certain people... then up to certain point we open up, share our lives, develop certain kind of expectations, relationships and even love... then also the time comes that you realize that the other person is not in the same place as you are or, even worse (?), there's no more place for the relationship to go to... then... most of people say goodbye... sometimes it can be mutual and sometimes it can be plain hurtful... or sometimes you decide not to say goodbye and hold on to it... or sometimes you don't even say goodbye and let things fade... and you move on...
now i'm old enough to call myself an adult (ha!), i can accept that there is such a thing as dealing with emotional attachments in a "grown-up" way... but still it's hard not to feel sad and curled up inside doing it... why can it all work out...?
sometimes i just feel like i don't know anything anymore... eh...
posted by okkyung at 1:59 PM
3 Comments:
It is strange how we are thrown into existence alone. I'd like to think that these relationships we build tell us a great deal about ourselves and somewhat develop our self consciousness.
We seem to be naturally social and these relationships become so important. But the truly upsetting thing is what you said, the idea that relationships may reach a point where they cannot go any futher, where they have no more room to develop.
What do you do when this happens? What if your present state is content but you feel there is no future? Do you abandon it or carry on looking for a future which may not be there? This is something really worrying...
Wong Kar Wai has a great theory: To avoid sadness of being rejected, one should reject first.
That's interesting but for me just too pessimistic and cynical. I think even in the darkest of times in a relationship, people hold onto that hope that it will improve, and this hope may just save a relationship which was never meant to end. The fear of rejection would never be something which I would let end my relationships, I don't think the pain would be any less, and the cynicism of this idea of 'kill or be killed' is just too cold, I couldn't survive like that...
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