blah blah blah

bye bye blogger and hello, wordpress...

2010-09-22T17:51:00.002-04:00

hi, people...
as of september 22nd, 2010, i'll be using wordpress instead... here's the link...

http://okkyung.wordpress.com/

thank you and have a great autumn...

whew...

2009-11-20T08:33:00.000-05:00

for some reason i haven't been able to sleep all that much for last few days... i do occasionally go through semi-insomniac stage so not too alarmed about it though...
have to say last few weeks have been pretty intense for me emotionally and somewhat physically... at the end of last month, i was going through yet another phase of self doubt, as a person and as a musician... felt the enormous depth of music and found myself feeling so small and invalid... on top of feeling already exhausted after putting myself through 3 somewhat important (?) projects which two of them came out somewhat short, i was not on the top of the world then...
however my encounter with glenn gould changed it in such a way i could go on doing what i do... sounds so silly... guess while reading "the loser" by thomas bernhard, i got so intrigues by glenn gould whose name gets repeated non-stop... then realized i had never seen him play so had to look him up... and watching this genius playing on youtube somehow made me reconfirm my belief in life... his pure joy in music and intimate relationship to the piano was so touching and complete i couldn't help feeling wanting to be there... don't think i can ever get close to the purity of music as much he did but at least i wanted to try... that place nothing exists but music and one self...
then playing at wels was yet another great opportunity for me... first of all being surrounded by all these amazing people - musicians and people involved with the festival and even (!) the audience - came together to celebrate this music... sounds so damn cheesy but it really felt like such a joyous occasion... and i couldn't help feeling happy and content... each night i found myself finding that space between me and my cello even a little bit... i really loved playing my cello... and i didn't want to stop... some of you might say (if there is anybody reading this, ha...!) "isn't it normal that you like playing cello...?" but i have to admit that sometimes i had been taking it for granted... not that i wasn't enjoying playing my cello but rather didn't appreciate the joy of it as much... but at wels, i was feeling that joy 200% surrounded by this perfect environment, making it so easy and simple and pure... then while listening to the ex, jumping up and down non-stop, i thought "this is what i want to do until i die... and i am super lucky to be able to do it..." yes, sounds super cheesy (as you know that's typical of me) and cliché but what can i say, that moment felt so real and alive...
even after coming back home, i was fortunate to play with some amazing musicians almost non-stop, playing more than ever and loving it... and catching up with new and old friends... still feeling quite high and content, i feel like i can do this... continue my journey to reach that space... content, pure, simple, honest and happy...
i used to say happiness was overrated... guess as i get older i know better...

this morning...

2009-08-06T12:09:00.001-04:00

walking down the street this morning with my cello on my shoulder, this guy handed me a glossy card that says XXX something... he said "hey, miss, if you are ever interested in recording something, this is a studio nearby..." i replied with simple no thanks after glancing at it... then as soon as i said it i saw that he had a young daughter with him and felt slightly guilty... but was too late to take that card from him...
i could have just taken that card and thrown it away at the end of that block but i didn't want to pretend as i was really interested in his studio... but then i could have just pretend only for a few seconds to make him feel not "rejected" especially in front of his daughter... or send out any negative energy... but then i'm sure i'm thinking too much about it already... then why not...?

a side trip...

2009-07-28T12:50:00.003-04:00

it's bee a while since my last blah blah blah... well, it's been an interesting summer, not seasonal one at that... guess things have been a bit off... like the stars were not lined up properly for me... i think it's hard time for many people for some obvious reasons and some not so obvious ones... the obvious one being the financial strain which i don't need to go into any details since we, pretty much all of us, are experiencing it...
the less obvious ones, rather more personal reasons are more related to my identity... well, kind of sick of "i" and "my" but still...
guess it all started with the death of former korean president, roh moo-hyun at the end of may... i was already thinking that there had been lots of death of well known people in the world... starting with heath ledger's death from last year... i read the news of the suicide of that korean president and couldn't help being drawn to the incident... considering that i hadn't paid all that much attention to what was happening in korea for almost 16 years that was interesting... it started with me reading every single articles about him i could find on the internet both in korean and english learning a lot about him in such a short time period... then after discovering many korean tv programs on youtube i totally found myself deeply immersed in those clips for days and nights... i think the most intriguing thing about his death was just like with any other suicides was how much personal pain that he must have gone through... and especially it involved a president, once the most powerful, whatever that means, person in one country who also carried so much responsibility on his back... more and more i read about him i realized how different he was with all other presidents i grew up with who were mostly dictators and typical politicians who would lie about anything and everything in order to obtain the power... obviously this former president roh had succumbed into the cycle of corruption but the scale was so much smaller compared to the other presidents ever in korea... not saying that should excuse him from it but just letting you know that still he was not like the others.. also the fact his political history began way back in the '80s helping labor unions and students movements, it made him a totally different kind of politician... yes, all the politicians do play the game and some of them are really convincing to make you think they are really there for you... for some reason i trusted this guy was really there for the people by just listening to his election speeches... like how many of us here in the states felt listening to obama speaks... and as we all know, that's already a lot...
also while watching all those tv programs talking about his background, i began to remember all that student movements i witnessed while in middle school... i lived in this area called shin-chon where 4 universities were located close to each other during the peak of student movements in late '80s... walking in the street filled with broken bottles, air filled with tear gas, surrounded by riot police in their armor is not an experience you can forget that easily... especially if that happened practically everyday for a long while... i was not living with my parents then because i was attending this arts school in seoul... so i didn't really have that many adults to talk to... i wanted to know what the hell was going on with all this but no one explained it to me... other than brushing it off as some crazy students wasting their time and energy... i tried to read news papers but there were just so many references i didn't know...
then it happened one morning... around 5 in the morning i was woken up to a guy shouting something running up and down the allies outside... it was very vague at the beginning and couldn't make anything out of it... then his voice got closer to outside my window and finally heard that he was announcing a death of a student who had been injured by police... his voice was coarse from shouting and filled with certain sadness... and even i still didn't understand what they were fighting for yet i knew that there was something seriously wrong that someone had to die from it... and the cause must be something important...
that's one of the memories i'll always have about korea... along with its beautiful mountains and rivers and food...
...
while deeply immersed in this sentiment, a friend of mine from korea who i've never met in person but only through music and emails, sent me an entire book of cartoon... which finally closed that circle that i had been carrying deep inside me... as i said the memories i have about those student movements were still not complete since i never got the explanation... and after reading this cartoon, i finally filled that gap... why those people had to throw themselves like that in order to have the truth revealed... and how awful the truth was and how i, along with many other people, was kept from it for a long long time... it was about gwnag-joo protest in 1980 where horrible incident took place just like chica's tiananmen square protest in 1989... thousands of innocent people including women and children were killed by the dictator and his army because they were asking for true personal freedom and democracy... later the korean government covered it up as necessary killings since those people were the "reds" and it remained that way until years later when the university students finally stood up... it just never got enough coverage from the west when it happened because it just didn't have appeal to others' benefit... it sounds cynical but how true that is with so many other hideous crimes being committed all over the world... that was what i was living through almost 20 years ago...
it was like an electric shock to me to have that missing part finally revealed... i suppose if i stayed in korea i might have learned it a lot earlier but as i said after i moved here i was just not there both physically and mentally...
...
then more personal revelation came afterward when i started to poke around and finding all this youtube clips of korean singers, most of them dead, ha, and i couldn't stop listening to those songs... as if i was back in my high school period... re-listening to the melodies and lyrics and realized how much of those songs had influenced me as a musician and a person... maybe i never really grow up from then... then moved on to reading all this internet based cartoons, in korea they are called web-toons, why not and found one author whose cartoons made me cry for hours... ha ha ha...

now i stopped reading korean news papers obsessively and feel like i'm more back to the "reality" i belong to... however that little side trip i took down on the memory lane was definitely something rewarding and in a way complete certain part of me as a korean person... and finally i know what really had happened... i just hope people will never stop fighting for the truth and democracy in korea and all other placed in the world...

wow...

2009-04-28T21:00:00.000-04:00

encounter #1
was sitting at a jazz club in west village... overheard this guy who supposedly writes for a small jazz paper talking to a friend of mine... "if you want to have your cds reviewed, the most important thing is to write up an impressive press release... because most of time, i don't even listen to the cds but just copy what's written on the press release so it's really important you make is impressive..." he was admitting it so freely... i knew that we were never going to be friends... later that night, i was saying goodbye to my friens outside the club... this guy who didn't say a word to me came up to me the last minute and asked me whati did... "i play cello..." i answered... he immidiately went on saying "i love cello...! we should play together sometime...!" which i replied with "well, you've never even heard me play..." he looked confused and asked "why, what do you play...?" and i said "i play noisy stuff..." he started to make some stupid gestures with his hands and said "you mean like this...?" with a weird expression on his face... i didn't bother to say any further... wasn't going to waste my energy... but he sure made an impression...

encounter #2
the other night i was doing a gig as a "favor" for the same friend from encounter #1 which wasn't really a good idea... it was at a bar and i really don't like playing in that circumstance anymore... on top of that it was supposed to start at 11 pm but we didn't get to start until 12:30 ish... i was exhausted and resenting the whole situation... i know many of my friends don't mind playing at bars and even like it... good for them but i just cannot handle... anyway... the gig didn't stop until 1:30 and my right thumb was bleeding from rubbing and was having a hard time with the balance on the stage... but still i did my best trying to make music... i think there were maybe 6 people in the audince left at that point which was fine... but i guess i didn't look so thrilled when the friend i was playing for announced my name on the stage... so after the gig, i was sitting outside and this guy from encounter #1 came up to me... he said "i really liked your playing but you should show more appreciation to the audience..." i thought about swallowing up my words but then i didn't know why i should let him lecture me after playing my ass off, trying to make the best situation out of the whole thing... who was playing on the stage, excuse me...? so i said to the guy "dude, i just finished playing and really don't need you to tell me what i should be like on the stage..." and his response was "oh, it was light hearted... didn't know you were going to take it that way..." and he left red faced...

so to sum it up... i don't like this guy... i'm just glad none of my friends are like that...

music is such a weird thing...

2009-04-09T23:53:00.001-04:00

i was going through "friend requests" on my myspace page... it really sounds retarded when you write it down that way... anyway...

one of the bands/person had his/her playing bach suite on amplified violin with some kind of drum beat underneath... then there was some sort of processing in the middle... and i was like, is it really possible for someone to think it's some way of "reinventing" classical music... bach's suites are masterpieces... as good as music gets... just leave them alone... don't try to mask it with your agenda to make you feel like you are doing something cool... have some respect... that's when i began to think yet again about what "music" must mean to some other people... be honest i don't know what it really means to most of people... i know many of my friends make music because they must... but still it's only a fraction of the world... and i'm sure people who are not in this kind of music that my friends and i do, they do it because they must... but why is it hard for me to deny i feel like there is something seriously different... of course there's no denying that one big part of it is the "business" side... even in this so-called experimental music, there's always that aspect of so-called "music business" part... because no matter what you do, how underground it's supposed to be, it ends up following the protocol set by the main stream music and culture... and everyone wants to have a piece of it... whatever it might be... and that part of it will never go away...

i don't really have a point or anything here... just observing... and pondering upon things as usual... and hoping i'll be able to stand on my conviction until the last day... but then how pure is my conviction...?

what's so damn funny...?

2009-03-16T14:45:00.001-04:00

i forget where i was...

it was at some kind of concert... the musicians were using certain noises like squeaks and scratchy sounds and so on... then lots of people in the audience started to laugh when they heard it... uh...

then i watched segment on jon stewart with jim cramer the other night on youtube... which led me to a clip of jon stewart on cnn's crossfire a few years ago where he was pleading them to stop hurting america... and again there were so many people laughing in the audience... ok...

i've noticed that people laugh when they feel uncomfortable... but i wonder if they think about it after their laughter is over what was so funny about it all...

the musicians are serious playing those noises as playing "regular" notes or music as jon stewart was serious about begging those idiots to stop... isn't it about time we all should be able to be serious and not turn it all into some kind of entertainment...?

the other night...

2009-02-24T00:13:00.001-05:00

this guy said to me the other night... "korea is really hip now... 20 years ago korea was not cool but now it's really hip..."
i thought about it...
...
what the fuck...

the other night i had a dream...

2009-02-18T23:29:00.000-05:00

that i was in the house of that octuplets... and found of of them who grew up to be a teenager girl... she was lying in her bed full of despair because nobody cared about her or gave her any attention... i took her away from the house...
...

last night at roulette...

2009-02-14T11:55:00.000-05:00

i was sitting on a piano bench at the back of the room since it was a packed house... don't really need to see it to hear it... midway into the set this guy who was standing behind me decided to "share" the bench with me without asking... and he sat right next to... meaning his body was touching mine... i looked at him then decided to ignore... i think i moved away a bit so there's a little room between us... then a couple of minutes later he started to push me out of the bench... literally pushing his body against mine so i was barely sitting on the edge of the bench at this point... i was so dumbfound at this i said to him "excuse me...? what are you doing...?" he stares at me and realized that this guy was a bit creepy... i mean nothing wrong with he had no hair and his head was really shinny... had no facial expression or what-so-ever... then he even extended one of his arms over me as if he was trying to, i don't know what the hell exactly, overpower me in some crazy way...? then stared at me again...without saying a word...!
i got so crept out but didn't want to just get up because it was i who was sitting there first... what the hell...? so i turned my back to him and tried to stick to that little spot just because... then started again...! he was pushing me even harder... then i was furious so i told him he was an idiot... then he did the exact the same thing to me... i just couldn't stand this creepy asshole i walked out to the reception area since i didn't want to make a scene during a set... then i waited until the gig was over so i could have some kind of confrontation with this guy but then he disappeared...
so if you see a medium built guy with an exceptionally shinny head and flat facial expression, stay away from him... also i have a very strong feeling he did it to me because i was a girl... yikes... there are still freaks out there...

a dilemma...

2009-02-09T11:56:00.000-05:00

i always feel like a moron whenever i tip someone for making me a cup of tea at a cafe... have you seen that episode on seinfeld...? i forget if that was elaine or george but it was about tipping someone when they can see you otherwise it wasn't necessary to tip... i know it's moronic... but i usually tip $1 for $2 tea at least when i can... and if i put some coins instead of a bill i feel like a cheapskate... but isn't 25% a generous tip...? so 50 cents is 25% of $2... but with this economy $1 tip seems to be a bit too much... then it's only a buck...!

then also there is this dilemma of whom to tip... let's say there's this person who is always nice to you then it's not a problem for you to tip... not saying they are nice to you so they can get your tip but then it's also weird that you are acknowledging someone's friendliness with money...? but then should you tip when someone was indifferent or not even nice but because they did something for you...? and should you tip just because you feel guilty...? then should i tip the nice one more...? do i have to tip $2 for my $2 tea if i tipped only $1 for someone who was not as nice...? and also when it's just a tea bag, that gets tricky... you know that person only did was to open a tea bag and put it in a cup and pour some hot water in... that's not really a work... if someone make you an awesome cup of cappuccino, that's a different story obviously... argh... too many things to worry to survive in this modern society... it's just a cup of tea really...

yesterday in the afternoon...

2009-02-02T02:16:00.001-05:00

as i was walking out the main entrance of my apartment building, there were these 2 guys in a verizon truck... and one of them stopped me saying "excuse me, do you speak english...?"
i got bugged out although it wasn't the first time that had happened to me... i said yes somewhat grudgingly... he went on asking me if i could open the door for him since they needed to go down to the basement of the building to work on whatever he had to... i opened the door and asked him "do you ask that first to everyone who looks asian...?" the guy apologized and told me that he didn't intent to offend me but since he worked a lot in chinatown and didn't want to offend anyone... then i told him that in a way he was offending me me by asking that first...
well, even though i understood where he was coming from... but then thought about all the asian-americans, or any other minorities, who were born here and grew up american and speak perfect english and still probably get that question just because they don't look "american" enough outside... along with getting all lumped into an "asian" category filled with streotypes... or even "orientals"...
wonder how he would have felt if i asked him if he spoke english...

i am so furious at this...

2009-01-18T17:11:00.000-05:00

total racist crap... hug a korean day...?!?!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=44324968984

the description is really applling... it's as bad as this kid's myspace page once i saw that said his biggest influence was japanese people... wow... why don't people think about things a bit more and grow up, seriously...
you might think i'm being oversensitive... so what... fuck this...

check for monsters, a new trio cd by steve beresford/peter evans/okkyung lee on emanem is out..

2009-01-16T14:55:00.001-05:00

wow, that reads like the lamest headline... ha ha ha...
anyway... it's out and i am very happy about it... steve and peter sure make me look good... and peter's drawing worked out great on the cover i must say...

the offical page on emanem records

also there's a sample on myspace music player on my myspace page... that sounds dumb too... it's an excerpt from the 1st track "phacthio"...

stay warm...

patrick mcgoohan is gone...

2009-01-15T11:39:00.001-05:00

patrick mcgoohan is gone... he was and will be my no. 1 forever... his john drake became my ideal man about 6 years ago... here's a little sweet article on him...

LA times article...

he will be missed sorely... just hope his genius will be rediscovered by many others to come...

if you want to hear to me mumble...

2009-01-13T01:43:00.000-05:00

check out this link...

ear to ear...

oh, also playing all new music if you are interested...

to our hero... and anti hero...

2008-12-15T11:21:00.002-05:00

sure most of you have already seen this but just in case...

iraqi journalist throws his shoes at bush...

it doesn't get better than this... this guy is our hero... of course we all got good laughs from watching bush ducking the shoes and wished that the shoes actually had hit him... however some moments later i began to think how desperate and angry that guy must have been... he shouted out "this is a goodbye kiss from the iraqi people, dog..." and surely represented the sentiment of iraqi people and probably most of people in mideast... that reminds us of something we are getting number and number to it every moment as this aimless war drags on... people are getting killed, wounded, orphaned, damaged every single day still because of this guy... so how come we haven't had enough courage not even to throw our shoes at him let alone impeaching him during last 8 long nightmarish years...? of course there are many people who have been doing just that but still it feels like most of us stopped caring and letting this dog get off the hook too easily... as you can see bush finds it all amusing...
too bad there is no such thing as anti-humanitarian award we can give him... and to all other dogs involved...

synecdoche, new york...

2008-11-23T16:34:00.002-05:00

second day i came back from tour, i went to see this movie practically not knowing anything about it other than the poster outside sunshine theater on houston... was worried my jet lag was going to creep in since the movie started at 10:20 but i ended up staying until 2:30 that night thinking about this movie...
i cannot say i understood so much of the movie... it's written and directed by charlie kaufman who is not known for conventional style and this was not an exception... still it kept me interested in and even touched by it without knowing why... obviously his movies work a lot better after you give in to his world... if you try to make sense out of it, you might get really upset at him...
first of all i have to say philip seymour hoffman was just brilliant... he is definitely one of the best actors out there and really able to draw you inside his emotions without projecting too much... he just made me feel so sad and tender especially at the end of the movie even though his character was not necessarily a sympathetic one... he is essentially a failure according to the society standard... but he is very human longing for that love and/or understanding and some way to be "special" on his own... like all of us... and he fails miserably because he never able to appreciate when he has it... like all of us...
i think charlie kaufman's movies look at these "normal" people with such tender view, they are able to touch you without making sense... after all movies are not only about story telling... it's more about how you can relate to that person up on the screen... "eternal sunshine of spotless mind" was a great example of that... we all have problems and spend most of our times trying to figure it out... relationships or your own insecurities or whatever that's supposed to make your life clearer... that gives your life some kind of meaning... we keep thinking there'll be something or someone that's going to fulfill you that you can stop looking... meanwhile we all keep failing and end up with more heartaches... but then we try again and again... keep hoping and longing...
at least that's what i felt from the first viewing... and sure there'll be more and hopefully will understand it more...
meanwhile all the actors are quite brilliant as well... has so many fantastic female actors... catherine keener, jennider jason leigh, michelle williams, samantha morton, emily watson, dianne wiest...
and also i'm so hooked on the song called "little person" from the movie... it's just so... heartbreaking... like brisk air in november...

well, what can i say...

2008-11-20T13:40:00.001-05:00

although i still choke up on watching movies like "synecdoche, new york" or "army of shadows" or "the third man" but i stay cynical overall... i am positive the future will be better with obama taking over the office but also feel devastated and confused over what's happening in congo or sudan or backyards behind closed doors everywhere and have my doubts about so-called human nature...
i have been told many many times that i was "intense", "oversensitive", "think too much" and so on and you know what, my responses are always "fuck you..." i am not going to apologize for what i am... i don't even know what those adjectives mean... it's all relative anyway... so who the hell are you to tell me what i am and/or how i am... i don't tell you to change the way you are... i accept the way you are and if i don't like you, i stay away... so please do the same... however i used to express that in rather blunt ways that pissed some people off but since i got older, i mellowed out and figured out how to do it without getting all wound up... which is healthier of course... but then here i am, announcing it to the entire world... ha ha ha...
so after my concerts in italy last weekend, when these couple of men bought my records but then started commenting on my "looks" i was totally crept out about the whole thing... because it was obvious it was not my playing that they were into but the way i looked when i played... well maybe they liked the way i played enough but that's not the main reason why they approached and took pictures with me (one guy even snuck a kiss while taking pictures... eww...) that really does hell of good for my self esteem as a musician... but i didn't say anything to them (first of all they barely spoke english but just enough to tell me how good i looked...) and sold my records and didn't make a scene... still i was bothered inside... i feel the same when i get this dumb friend requests from guys who "collect" either female musicians or asian musicians... makes me want to vomit... i might be to quick to judge but i cannot help that's how i makes me feel... and again, that's not something i will apologize for...
so sick of labeled by what i look like or where i came from... as long as we continue to do that, we'll never get over all these racism and sexism...

obama’s victory...

2008-11-05T10:12:00.000-05:00

yes, finally...!
he already makes america look way better than what's been for last 8 years...
however it'll be a really great day if he is not only called the first african-american president in history but rather a great president who got america out of crisis and gave hopes and dreams back to people everywhere... and people don't see him through his color ever again... and even better realize that he is mixed racially and that gave him better position of understanding difference between this thing called races...
it will be very exciting 4 years...

november already... i’m just ranting...

2008-11-01T17:00:00.000-04:00

wow...
i have a headache from looking at the computer too long... oh, well... guess i'm a bit stressed out about leaving again... got back from west coast tour last sunday night and leave again on monday for two weeks... i'm sure once i get there it'll be so much fun but getting there is always a shrek, don't you think... oh, well... i'll get over it... at least i have all direct flights...
so yesterday was halloween... hope you had fun... it's not really my favorite holiday but it's always fun to see how far other people would go... i wore this uniform that looked like either flight pilot or female marine officer... wish i had a hat to go with it...
meanwhile i've been getting these friend requests from total random girls with messages such as "i just want to meet someone new" or "hey, i'm moving there pretty soon and looking for new friends" along with pictures of them trying to look "sexy" or "hot" or "pretty"... are these girls all for real...? because if you go to their pages all of their friends are just like them... and if they are real, that's so sad...! do you really that much attention deprived...? it's not only true when these "girls" send me messages but sometimes when i look at someone's friends because they want to add me (god, this whole thing IS idiotic...!) and see tons of female profile pictures and they are all posing that pose... i'm not that naive to deny that sex sells but seriously, how generic can you get...? sticking your tits out or your mouth half way open or stare out with that "bedroom" eyes... gee... is that really sexy to you...? do you know what other people might be doing looking at that picture...? yikes... especially when these things are done by girls barely out of their teens really make me upset...
argh... i think i've done this rant already many times but still it really really gets to me...
alright... let me calm down...
well, maybe i'll get to write about seattle... that city made me so damn nostalgic... crazy...

i’m kinda shocked but here it is...

2008-08-29T13:36:00.000-04:00

uh, review of my LP...

pitchfork review

meanwhile if you want it in CD format, you'll have to write to ecstatic peace...

we ALL need to watch this... and ask some questions...

2008-08-25T16:45:00.000-04:00

ok. everyone... this is not one of my typical blog talking about movies and food and all that fun stuff... it's about this movie that we ALL need to watch and be informed... you don't need to agree with the movie but just to have some questions raised, that's already more than enough... maybe some of you've already seen this one...
i was thinking about making tons of copies and send it to people but here it is, available from this website...

zeitgeist movie website
or
to download...

hope you'll finding it as fascinating as i did...
oh, by the way, the dark knight is a GREAT movie...

i don't know why but...

2008-08-10T19:10:00.001-04:00

whenever i see a pigeon picking on remains of fried chicken on the street, i feel sad...

cigarette butts and me... (a little observation of a non-smoker...)

2008-08-05T23:12:00.002-04:00

ok... i'm going to write something that might piss some people off, especially smokers... well, hopefully after that initial irritation subsides, i hope you can really read what i'm trying to say here...

first of all, i don't smoke... i've tried a few times when i was drunk just as a dare kind of thing but never really liked the way it felt or the smell... however my dad used to smoke a lot when i was young, like 2 to 3 packs a day... although i didn't live with my parents since i was 12 but still i have lots of memories with my dad with a cigarette dangling from his mouth all the time... then go figure, when my mom finally convinced him to go and get his lungs checked up, the doctor told him they were fine... after all my dad had been a puffer but nothing else... he quit for a few years recently but i think he went back smoking... well, the point i'm trying to make it here is that i'm not against people smoking... however i do not like to be subjected to second-hand smoking just because i happen to be there... but after all people can do whatever the hell they want as long as it doesn't hurt others... when it comes down to their health, it's up to them to figure out what to do...

anyway...
as you know smoking inside in new york's been banned for quite some time now... which means there are more people outside smoking on the streets... well, i do like that ban because of the reason i listed above and even more importantly because my cello doesn't smell like cigarette after playing in a club anymore... however this ban has increased the amount of cigarette butts outside on the street... there's no single block, at least in my neighborhood, that i don't see a few cigarette butts... so i started to pay attention to people who are smoking on the street and have to say almost all of them just throw away their cigarette buds after they are done... even people i know personally who are not likely throw anything out on the street would do exact that with the cigarette butts... so it got me thinking why that would be...? i mean it's one thing if you are that kind of person who litters but even when you are so not that kind of person...? i came up with a couple of my own explanation other than just blaming all the smokers for littering everywhere...
i think it's built in culture... i mean how many times do you see in a movie or tv that people actually extinguish cigarette and put in a garbage can...? can you imagine james dean after finishing his cigarette, after looking so hot with his cigarette, throwing it into a garbage can...? i can't... it's just a part of smoking culture... and lots of times people don't even put it out but just drop it on the street when they are done smoking and let it burn... i bet most of smokers are not even aware that's what they are doing... but i think that's how people learn to smoke... nobody actually talks about what to do with it other than just throwing it out... do you think it makes some sense...?
then there's lack of outdoor ash trays in the city of course... i've seen a single ash tray outside somewhere on 3rd avenue between 4th and st. marks and that's about it... and actually come to think of it, this guy who was smoking was standing by it as if he was ready to actually use that ash tray when he was done smoking... also i used to see those garbage cans with built in ash trays but they seems to have only existed indoors... you know what i mean...? yesterday i watched "4 months, 3 weeks, 2 days", by the way which was an exceptional movie, and all the characters were smoking inside and actually they put out their cigarette in ash trays because there was one... so there you go... guess we all have to start signing a petition demanding for more outdoor ash trays... hmm, that's an idea...

well, there was my little observation as a non smoker...
then there are those people with gums... ha ha ha...

louise bourgeois...

2008-07-07T23:15:00.000-04:00

yesterday i went to guggenheim to see louise bourgeois' retrospective which was just as fantastic as i expected... the first time i saw her work was about 6 years ago in zürich and it was a collection of her insomnia drawings which had lots of red... some were very abstract and some had figures like houses and female bodies and so on and some of them had texts only in french and english... i was just struck by her obsessiveness sipping through her drawings and taken into her world... however i didn't get to see her spiders when she was getting lots of attention shortly after... actually it might have been around the same time but i guess somehow i wasn't able to connect her delicate drawings and those majestic spiders... so i was really happy to be able to her works in chronological order and see how she has explored her themes and ideas in so many different materials and formations... i could feel so much of her struggle trying to figure out what it means to be a female from all of her pieces... that might not be the only theme behind all of her work but it definitely in the underlying motive for her work if i may say so... my favorites are her cells that she created these unique spaces mainly using old doors and windows and arranging them with all the objects from her memory... and these cells are somehow protected from the viewers although some of them it is possible to see the whole thing but you cannot stop feeling you are peeking through someone's intimate past and you don't dare to step into it... but cannot stop looking into it and feeling the emotion she put into it... it's utterly seductive and beautiful... it's her space and you are welcome but not really... then there are her houses that gave her so much joy and pain... the one called "choisy" has a beautiful replica of her house from france locked inside this fences and a guillotine hanging from above...
after that i had to go and watch this documentary on her "louise bourgeois: the spider, the mistress and the tangerine" and it added so much to the exhibit not i really have to go back to see her show again at guggenheim... in that documentary you see this fragile looking lady who was 91 when they filmed it, now she's 94 and still kicking it... there's one piece done this year in the shoe... lots of things she says are very abstract and even contradicting but one thing you see is that she is someone who had to create in order to exist... and whose life is her art itself... and as a female who had to figure out a way to stay strong and true to herself as an artist and a person without compromising... yet she still suffers from her memories that had hurt her deeply and still hasn't exorcised it completely... she's so human and so female... she's so strong and fragile at the same time... i'm sorry if i sound so vague keep saying by female but it's something you can feel it if you are also a female...

the other day i was at a gym and saw this teenager girl who was there with her boyfriend... she was trying to use this machine but couldn't figure out how to adjust it... i didn't want to pay attention to much to her but she was directly across the room from me and i couldn't stop seeing what she was doing... she looked a bit frustrated but i could feel that she was kind of hoping her boyfriend to come and help her with the machine but he didn't... so after a while i was compelled enough to go and help her out... and when i showed her how to adjust the machine, she gave me this look as if she was saying "i'm a helpless little thing and i'd rather be this way..."... i might have read too much into her look but i just felt that that was what she was saying and that pissed me off so much... why do girls get thrown into that role so early...? why is it expected...?

so after that incident, seeing louise bourgeois' struggle through decades which turned out to be amazing body of work gave me some kind of hope... not to say her work is greater because she's female but because she was able to fully embrace that she's female including all the struggles and heartache that came with it...

i guess as i grow older i am more aware of what it means to be female in this world... it's a long long process... and would i get an answer...? probably not but at least i'll have a subject i can think about and explore for the rest of my life...

what the fuck...!

2008-06-19T23:28:00.002-04:00

as some of you might have heard or seen, michelle obama was on "the view" yesterday... i was able to catch a few minutes of it while i was on elliptical machine at the gym, yes, that's where i catch up with the "rest" of the world... and i thought she was funny and relaxed considering that she had to share the table with that annoying self-righteous republican bitch elisabeth hasselbeck... and interestingly enough they only talked about "small" issues like what kind of breakfast they have and if obama still takes the garbage out... yeah, right...
but just like my ellen page story, the real shock came the day after when i was watching cnn again at the gym today...first of all, they were all going ga-ga over her for the fact that she was able to present herself soft, feminine and likable...!!! and she looked so pretty and what not... apparently people are asking for her dress... then this person from cnn interviewed 3 women who attended the show and asked them what they thought... and all of them said something like "oh, she was so sweet"... then one of the women said when asked if she thought michelle obama needed "some softening" and her answer was "we all do need some softening..." what the fuck does that mean...?
then they also had this male analysist (my-ass) saying "the less michelle obama speaks her mind, the better for the campaign" and "most of the nation is not ready for strong women"...
i mean i do know that they have to play all this political bull shit games in order to win but i thought we were READY for some freaking changes around here...
i don't care what you say... i LOVE hillary just because she doesn't apologize for being tough and being strong... women are never good enough anyway so why even bother...? the world would be a lot better place if they get ready for more strong women all over the world...!!!

cyd charisse...

2008-06-18T23:04:00.000-04:00

cyd charisse is gone...
as some of you might know, "singin' in the rain" is my all time favorite movie... and when i saw her for the first time in that green dress with short dark hair for the first time, i said to myself "that's the most beautiful woman i've ever seen..." and i still fell the same more or less... she was really special... and it was pretty ridiculous how she could move like that in those heels and tight dresses... she made it look soooooo easy...some people complained that she wasn't such a good actress but so what...?

for me it feels like that era is really gone now she's left us...
she was fantastic in "it's always fair weather", "band wagon", "silk stockings" and even in "brigadoon"...

ah, i'm getting old...

hard candy...

2008-06-17T00:50:00.001-04:00

last weekend i finally got to watch "hard candy" with ellen page and patrick wilson after hearing so much about this movie... and have to say it was an experience i was really glad about... well, that sounds a bit odd... let me rephrase it... i think this is a movie that needs to be seen by pretty much everybody not because it's a masterpiece but it really makes you think and re-exam all the stereotypes you might have... and another interesting thing was that it wasn't only watching the movie made me think about things but also reading what people had to say about the movie and ellen page on my "beloved" imdb (come on, you know what imdb is, right...? right...?)

also watching this movie was powerful enough for me to re-exam a particular word that i'd never been fond of... it's called feminism... i always thought that was yet another form of racism... i know it's probably too extreme...

first of all, as far as movie making goes, it's a pretty well made, even very slick looking at times... not too over the top but there's definitely sense of style... the director, david slade was apparently known for making music videos for stone temple pilots and aphex twin and so on... not that it means so much to me since i don't think i've seen any of them... and ellen page was amazing in this movie... she was like what, 15 when she made this one...? and boy, can she act...! she played her character hayley with brain and strength and yet vulnerability that was so powerful when put together... then patrick wilson who is always amazing didn't disappoint me here either... (in case you don't know who these people are, ellen page was in that little movie called "juno" last year and patrick wilson was in "angles in america" playing a mormon then again was really fantastic in "little children"...) and the script and the setting...! it was really tight and makes you keep shifting your position throughout the movie... it wasn't until the last line patrick wilson said that i knew what to make of the characters... and when i heard it and finally saw what was really going on, i felt like my moral has been put through some kind of test...

i don't know how much i want to give out about the plot especially i felt like i heard maybe a bit too much before...? but in order to write more about what i'm talking about, i'll have to give a way a bit about the plot... so if you want to get the full experience you should stop reading this... if you don't think it would matter so much, please go on... i'll not tell you about all the twists anyway...

so ellen page plays 14 year old girl who is very "mature" for her age and she starts chatting with 30 something year old patrick wilson online... and they decide to meet up... but things turn out to be way different that you might expect... i really think that's all i want to say...

then when i read what people wrote about ellen page on imdb, i was really shocked and even shamed... if you've seen her, you know that she's extremely cute... not cute as in one of those typical hollywood young actresses but as a rather normal looking girl with lots of charisma and talent... however it seems like that's not enough for lots of people... there were so many attacks on her for not looking pretty enough in feminine dresses or make-up... guess for these people a girl like lindsay lohan who looks and acts way way older than her actual age is more ideal image of a good "actress"... what the hell is up with that...? what about the fact that ellen page is an exceptional actress for her age and not afraid of being herself...? i mean is it really more important to be on that stupid 100 hottest girls of the year list on one of those magazines...? and wear all these crazy dresses to some award shows or parties and get the pictures taken...?

then i got even more enraged when i was watching this stupid show on E channel while running (more like walking) on a treadmill at a gym... it was one of those stupid talk show with one guy and two girls in bikinis (of course) hosting it in a vegas hotel filled with half naked, well, more like almost naked girls as a back drop... looking at those girls strutting and shaking what they have as soon as camera was on them really made me feel sad...? why do they really really need that kind of validation or approval or attention from others so badly...? i mean i have nothing against looking good and feeling good but the way these girls were acting on camera was clearly NOT about that... it's felt more desperate... and trying to do these moves that are supposedly "sexy" according to media and pop culture...

then i saw these young girls who are probably like 13, 14 wearing tight, tight clothes walking around in my neighborhood and getting "attentions" from guys... and that makes me almost want to puke... you can call me super conservative and boring and whatever you want... but to me that seems really really wrong... which brings this blog back to this movie "hard candy"...

well, you really have to watch it...

i'm just babbling as usual... oh, well...

if i get enough responses from people who actually saw this movie, maybe we can start the actual discussion about this movie...

arrested development...

2008-06-10T15:09:00.002-04:00

while i was sick last weekend, i got to watch the entire episodes of "arrested development" which was on fox for a couple of years then got canceled despite it being one of the funniest things on tv, especially on national network not on cable... it just never scored big in terms of rating... i think it was too quirky and smart and complex and weird... i had watched a few episodes and always loved it... but seeing it from the beginning definitely made it even funnier...
anyway... now it's available for free to watch it online...

http://www.hulu.com/arrested-development

if you could, watch it from the beginning since there are so many in-jokes referencing to the previous shows... not that i've watched so many shows on tv but i really think this one is special and all the characters are amazing... and once you get to know them, they become more likable although most of them are horrible...!!! i know that doesn't make any sense...

cannot wait for the movie to come out...!

uh... it’s out...

2008-05-16T15:13:00.000-04:00

well, yes, my solo LP is finally out on ecstatic peace!...
here's link if you don't believe me...
i cannot believe it myself even though i do have copies already... LPs...

i saw the ghost of an unknown soul and it said...

let me know what you think if you get to check it out...

i know i haven't been keeping up with my blog but soon will add some stuff...

meanwhile i do have a new set of postcards as well... this time they are called mean postcards...

uh, it's hot...

the (un)importance of being nice...

2008-03-06T20:35:00.001-05:00

don't know why but since i was little i've always had an extremely negative reaction to word "nice"... guess the equivalent korean word to that would be "chahk hah dah"... never liked that word either... probably it's from when my mom used to tell me "why couldn't you be nice like so-and-so's daughter...?"... well, that makes sense, i suppose...
for some reason i think i always thought (and knew) that people were expecting that quality a lot more from girls than boys... i mean if a girl is "nice" enough, it's good enough and makes up for other things she might be not... but if she's good at many other things but not "nice" enough, that comes off as bigger flaw than a boy... why is that...? why are girls expected to smile more than the boys...? why are girls supposed to be sweet and friendly to be liked...? and if you are not, they call you strong... but people usually don't say that to the boys, do they...?
i'm not saying being friendly and sweet and "nice" is bad but that hint of sexism really bothers me...
but then i also don't really like when people describe object "nice" either... it somehow sounds so in-between and lukewarm... what does it really mean when you way "it's nice"...?
ok, i'm just being a control freak right there...

well, if you know me in person and maybe you can describe me "nice" (yeah, right) but i think i usually balance it pretty well with being a bitch for the most of time... but do not worry, i'm not going to give you an evil eye for calling me "nice"...

there will be blood & no country for old men...

2008-02-25T14:46:00.000-05:00

no, i did not watch the oscar last night... actually it's been years since i watched it because since i had a tv that gets any channels... i did think about going to my friends' house to watch it since i've watched many movies this year... but as we all know the oscar is not really about which movie and/or who really deserve to win... it's like an award chosen by all the "super-delegates" of movie industry and they give it to whoever they think it's time for them to win or any other kinds of political reasons or whatever it might be... and although i had watched it somewhat religiously since i was little but after "mystic river" won the best picture, i was really annoyed by the whole deal... after all "citizen kane" didn't win anything except the best screen play... that says it all...
but i'm not writing this to discuss the oscar...

i don't know why but this morning when i woke up it was really clear why i absolutely loved "there will be blood" while i only liked "no country for old men" which took 4 oscars last night... and also why most of people i've talked liked "there will be blood" while they adored "no country for old men"...
interesting part is that both movies are about very dark characters... cold blooded. will do anything in order to get what they want, driven by greed... and both share amazing cinematography showing the desert and open field of the south, a perfect backdrop to the darker side of human nature and also desperation of it all... and the directors for both of them are definitely on top of their game... i've liked coen brothers for a while although i think i liked them more when i was younger... and i liked paul thomas anderson... loved "boogie nights", liked "magnolia" but hated "punch-drunk love"... and all the actings in both movies are absolutely superb... i still think javier bardem's anton, the hired killer is one of the most memorable characters in a while and also thought all other supporting characters were really excellent and convincing, especially josh brolin and kelly macdonald... didn't think tommy lee jones played anything different from his last role from "the three burials of melquiades estrada"... in "there will be blood" daniel day-lewis is absolutely amazing and paul dano was just brilliant as usual and that kid dillon freasier stole my heart and broke it throughout the movie... (however he does represents the redemption at the end thankfully... too bad this kid couldn't play the grown up part either... this kid is sooooooo amazing...)
(i think it was another typical film industry job to nominate javier bardem for the best supporting role to ensure his win because he is not a supporting character of the movie by any means... not saying he didn't deserve it... read on, please...)

however the most essential difference, at least to me, is that "there will be blood" is a lot darker movie than "no country for old men"...

while i was watching "no country for old men" i was totally mesmerized by its beauty of the scenery, intense acting, fascinating characters and even sense of intimacy... but as soon as i left the theater, i forgot all about it... it was a really interesting experience in that sense...somehow it leaves the audience totally outside the characters like most of other coen brothers' movies... we are there to observe what the characters are doing to each other and themselves... meanwhile we don't have any need to connect to the characters... javier bardem's killer is a total sociopath and those kind of people do exist but most of us are not... and josh brolin's llewelyn who is totally blinded by his greed which we might be able to sympathize with but since he becomes a target of the killer, leaving no way out for him, we don't have to take that sympathy beyond certain point... and as we watch how anton hunts him down and each time the net gets tighter and tighter, all we have to do it to hold on tightly to our seats... however we are still safe...
while in "there will be blood" we see daniel day-lewis' daniel plainview who is also driven by his greed but more importantly by his hatred of man kind... however he doesn't show this to other people that easily... he knows how to put different masks in front of others accordingly... once in a while it slips but most of time he knows how to wear that mask... and the same for paul dano's evangelist eli who uses religion to gather power... these are people who are like you and me... we might not have that extreme hatred or power hunger but we all have a bit of it in us... not all the time but some times... we might have learned not to show it, even to ourselves, and even hopefully how to overcome that dark side but it is a part of human nature... and along with these characters there is dillon freasier's HW who is a kid yet with old soul who senses other people's most subtle inner shifts, who represents our most basic emotional need as human... need to love and be loved... again we see a bit of ourselves in him... which can be enlightening or frightening...
interestingly neither of these movies show what happened to anton, hired killer or daniel plainview earlier in their lives to justify their inability to be "human"... neither of them show abusive fathers or cold mothers or painful heartbreaks to tell us this is why they are so awful... at least true through out in "no country for old men"... anton stays as a sociopath and inhuman until the very end leaving him totally separate from us... however toward to the end of "there will be blood" we see glimpse of how broken daniel plainview actually is... not enough to justify of course but just enough to say he is also human... he is also one of us... but then he goes right back hiding himself behind his brutality and hatred...
also i've read a several reviews that "there will be blood" was about capitalism which i absolutely agree but it's also more importantly why capitalism was even possible and accepted in our society and history... its' because of our dark side of our nature which we are condition to hide... greed and selfishness...
one of the most affective part of about "there will be blood" for me was how paul thomas anderson presented this dark side in such plain language... there's no lengthy speech about why daniel plainview hates people... but he speaks it simply and hands it to you on a plate for you to chew on it... and you know what, i can relate to it... it's frightening to look at it straight but that darkness does exist inside of me...
this acquaintance of mine said to me a couple of nights ago that she thought all the characters in "there will be blood" was unbelievable and the story was predictable and the dialog was boring... and now i know what i could've said... this movie is not about how story unfolds in front of our eyes and see what happens to other people... but rather to reflect upon what's happening in the movie... meanwhile what happens in "no country for old men" is a story... not a bad one but still a story that i'm not a part of it...
again, this is not to diss " no country for old men" by any means but just to compare those two movies... for me "there will be blood" is absolutely a masterpiece i can dwell upon it for a long time... sure, i'll watch "no country for old men" again but it'll be for totally different kind of enjoyment...
i have to say it's really exciting and stimulating for me to figure out why one affected me more than the others... other than just saying "i loved it...!"

at whole foods...

2008-02-07T14:48:00.000-05:00

sitting across from this two asian girls who are apparently art students... think graduate study...? a is chinese, b is japanese... they are talking about takashi murakami and nara yoshitomo...

a. i want to be rich like murakami...
b. really, how much...
a. i don't know... i want to be rich like him but without losing my soul...

new york is fun... everywhere and anywhere...

in noise we trust...

2008-01-07T19:47:00.001-05:00

bowing the body of cello creating hissing sound... scrunching all 4 strings together with left hand while bouncing the back of the bow up and down on the fingerboard... pulling a string with left fingers while playing fast tremolo close to the bridge creating high squeaky sound that gives you goosebumps on your back…

what am i doing...? why am i playing with all this horrible noise that would shock my mother and make her regret that she sent me music schools all my life... cello is not meant to be played that way... what happened to all that long beautiful tones that supposedly remind you of human voice… how about some bach, seriously...

am i just being juvenile and indulging myself...? am i trying to prove something to someone...? am i getting out my repressed teenage aggression that i never got to let it out by playing in a punk band...?
playing music is not supposed to be a psycho therapy, you know... well, up to a certain point maybe but… ok, let's stay away from that subject...

so why on earth am i making all that horrible noise…?

the first time i played “noise” was about 10 years ago while living in boston... i think it began while i was practicing some written music alone in a small practice room in college... after a while i got bored with it and went off playing something spontaneously (then i had no idea that it was called improvising)... when i accidentally played with more force that usual it created this distorted noise like sul ponticello but something even beyond, more than that spooky romantic quality of regular sul ponticello... the pitches were not really there but just the impression was... it was more aggressive and harsh and not beautiful by any means but somehow expressive... not to express certain emotions or mood but rather the connection between me and the instrument... it felt organic and free... i liked it… i liked it quite a lot…

that was probably the first time i felt that complete mental and physical connection between me and my cello after playing it for more than 15 years… and during all those ears i was mostly feeling like i was simply not good enough… believe it or not, i still have nightmares about going to cello lessons from my middle school with a teacher who seemed impossible to please… and it was always under someone else's approval that mattered the most in order for me to feel i played something well or right... but this time, i was able to say i liked it and didn’t even matter if it was right or wrong… there was no reason to even ask myself that question other than just letting it happen and immersing myself in the experience itself…

after that enlightening moment i went on looking for more… from then every little phenomena involved in creating any unusual sound ot noise became so exciting… i had never known that cello could be played that way... i was paying attention to all the variations and accidents my instrument was producing… and when i found certain sound that fascinated me, i went digging deeper into it until i felt like it was turned into a musical language of my own…

a couple of years later i moved to new york where it seemed like everyone was playing with some kind of noise… and it was exciting yet somewhat disillusioning at the same time… this is not to say that i thought all the sounds i was making on cello were absolutely unique by any means… now i definitely know that most of the sounds i had “found” have been used by many other cellists or composers ahead of me but my ignorance back then worked as a perfect backdrop for my noise searching…

however something happened from the very first gig in new york... i realized that my playing had gone to the next level just by interacting with other musicians who obviously spent time and energy gathering up their own vocabulary outside the “normal” musical language… and their musical language triggered my own personal response rather than just copying them... it was so exhilarating... i was hooked... from then on each gig was to push more boundaries, to get that special place... to go further away from where i started... the urge was interestingly desperate...

then a couple of years later, i found myself and burned out...

each gig started to feel like some sort of sport game... i was playing harder and faster and more extreme... yet sometimes i would find myself playing noise for the sake of playing noise... and i wasn’t in control of what i was playing...
it was becoming rather physically draining and mentally numbing...

it was time for me to slow down and ask myself the question... what are all this noise for...?

i wanted to make music with all the noise which can stand on its own as a piece of music beyond it’s novelty value...

the only way for me to figure out how to do that was to utilize my formal musical training and all the musicality i had... for a while i regarded my formal education as a cage and tried to stay away from it as much as possible... but it was obvious that there was no way of completely erasing it so why not use it in conjunction with what i had gathered outside school... after all it’s all music, right...?

most importantly, i realized, was to trust in every single noise and sound.. no matter how far away it sounded from musical language to others, i had to trust that these are the materials i chose to use... and to treat them just as serious as i would with any other traditional musical language... every single noise needed that intention and care...

i became more selective with the noise… it has to make musical sense to me and be versatile that can develop into many different ways and shapes... and my job is to place it within the right musical context... and then it becomes my own noise although it might sound like any other people can play... just like how marcel duchamp did with his readymade objects…

this is not to say i succeed each time i play by any means... in a way it made harder for me to be satisfied with my playing even more... however when the noise i choose truly becomes a musical language that works in a context, that ecstasy is something i can hardly live without...

obviously it’s been only possible because there are so many great musicians with the same conviction who came before me and many of them still re-inventing their languages... if they hadn’t done it earlier, there wouldn’t have been any room for someone like me to start making my own noise... and have an audience who are willing to strip away from any pre-conceived notion of what music should sound like... and even touched by this abstract music filled with noise... hopefully this curiosity and tradition will go on...

so, please tell me, do you trust in noise...?

my latest obsession...

2007-12-28T18:21:00.001-05:00

have to say the last few days have been dreadful... cannot wait for this year to be over... not that the new year will change my mood drastically but...
meanwhile i've been obsessively watching my new idol jeremy brett playing sherlock holmes from that famous granada tv series from mid '80s through the mid '90s until he dies of heart failure... it wasn't until last week or so a friend of mine showed me an episode of it and i've been totally hooked... first of all, i grew up regarding sherlock holmes as my idea man... i think i must have been 7 or 8 when my mom bought me the entire collection, in korean of course, and i remember reading them over and over and over... i was so smitten by the character like many other young kids all over the world, and constantly coming up with my own version of him... i would be drawing his portraits along with that famous outfit and pipe... envisioning him as tall and lean man who wasn't afraid of anything... and have to say the version jeremy brett created really hits the mark... he is so damn charismatic i can watch even just the corner of his mouth forever... and all the little nuances he added to the character along with a great sense of pride, ego and yet kid like enthusiasm... and he's devilish handsome man... and his voice and diction... wow... i cannot wait to watch all the episodes... and i really do wish i was able to watch him in a theater... it seems like he was just as fantastic as he was on tv...
also it's really interesting that he was so underrated... even after starring next to audrey hepburn and rex harrison in my fair lady, the fame escaped him... not that would've made the man happier but sometimes i wonder if he had gotten famous after all, what kind of life would he have had as an actor...? and how many more movies that we might be able to rent easily... he was twice considered to take over the bond after sean connery... the same goes for patrick mcgoohan, my last obsession who had a similar path, except that mcgoohan had his fame early on then decided to run away from it all..
well, well, well...
at least jeremy brett will be remembered as The Sherlock Holmes by many and there's no doubt that this tv series will endure the test of time... it's done just brilliantly...
meanwhile... what's up with my obsession over dead people really...

bleak movies...

2007-12-04T14:09:00.001-05:00

oh, boy... december already... yikes...
watched two movies by visconti not too long ago... "rocco and his brothers" and "the damned"... oh, my god, they were so bleak...
"rocco and his brothers" examines 5 brothers who move to milano from a country side with their over bearing mother... and how they struggle to fit in and grow up through heart breaks... especially the simone and rocco who fall for the same woman who happens to be a prostitute... simone represents intense and destructive side of love while rocco represents pure and naïve side of love... but somehow both fails to keep the love... still after all the tragedy the family goes through the movie ends with hint of hope through the youngest one, luca... also it shows how industrialization forced people in the country and have them relocate to a city that they were strangers and unwanted and looked down upon... and their longing to go back to their root and simpler life but yet how it becomes impossible once you get sucked into the city...
then "the damned"... oh, my, god, that movie was so dark i had a nightmare about hell that night... woke up in horror and had to turn the light on in order to go back to sleep... it's about a german rich industrial family right around the time when hitler comes to power... it's about their struggle for power and willingness to do everything and anything for it... filled with murder and back stabbing traps... also martin, played by helmut berger, who's the heir of all the stock but mostly manipulated by his mother who's the most vile one of them, turns out to be even more amoral and satanic than any of the family members... and it leads to the worst circumstance you can even imagine...
however above it all, that infamous scene, night of the long knives was just unbelievable... no wonder it was never shown here until 2004... i cannot even describe what it is... just think it's amazing it's in german while the rest of the movie is in english...
then for some reason i ended up watching closer twice back to back this past weekend... and i was so drawn to the dialog... i'd watched that movie when it came out a couple of years ago and liked it enough to buy a dvd... i thought it was a intriguing look at love and honesty... but somehow this movie was even better the second time knowing how it ends... think it's really well written... by a british playwright patrick marber... made me think how shallow and changeable and selfish love can be... especially between man and woman... sometimes it seems like more like a negotiation between people... i'll give you thin in name of love that is if you also give me what i want in name of love... as long as we are satisfied i'll tell you i love you... i'll even declare it eternal as long as it fits what i define as love... eh...
maybe we should all accept that as a fact and don't be so pretentious about it...

movie talk...

2007-11-17T17:54:00.001-05:00

saw "before the devil knows you are dead" a couple of weeks ago... and it was wonderfully depressing... not to spoil anything, i'll just say that this movie questions the nature of relationships that are supposed to be unconditional such as one between parents and children, especially between a farther and a son... also the marriage and intimacy... the acting from everyone, i mean everyone is so intense and real you cannot help sympathizing with everyone... the only thing i had to complain was that the sound effect that occurs whenever the movie jumps back to different times in the past start to get on my nerve after a few times... but other than that, it was absolutely brilliant... sidney lumet hasn't lost it at all...
also saw "no country for old men" two nights ago and thought it was pretty great... have to say javier bardem is definitely one of the best actors out there... he plays this cold blooded killer for hire to the bones... once in a while i couldn't notice how pale even blue his face looked through out the movie... also josh brolin whom i had crush on while i was in high school watching "the young riders" on tv did an excellent job... and tommy lee jones is again great playing somewhat solitary sheriff... kind of similar role as he had in "the three burials of melquiades estrada" though... kelly macdonald who plays josh brolin's wife here had a great on screen presence... she had a great texan accent considering she's a scottish... the only problem i had with this movie is though that while i was in the theater it was totally gripping yet when i left the theater somehow it didn't stay with me as much as other movies i liked recently... i wonder why... i might have to watch it again...
oh, watched "lust, caution" as well... i wasn't really interested in watching it in a theater until a friend of mine told me how hot tony leung was in the movie... and she was right... thought it was pretty good despite all the mediocre reviews it received... the sex scene which caused all that controversy was really sincere and absolutely needed to show the nature of the relationship these two characters had... like "brown bunny"... if you just go beyond the fact that you see people naked doing sexual acts on large screen, you'll be able to feel the emotions that goes with the scenes... well, that's what i think anyway... tony leung is hot...
uh... i'm totally distracting myself from writing music... yikes...
still i'd like to go to see "american gangster" although a couple of people told me how trashy the movie was...

the kitchen performances...

2007-11-11T10:55:00.000-05:00

hew...
just finished 2 nights at the kitchen with andy... it went really well and we indeed succeeded in making some people uncomfortable... hahaha...
there were definitely moments before the performance when we thought "uh, oh, it's not going to work..." although i know it's rather natural to go through that doubt when you are "creating" something totally from scratch... however we sure are glad we went through with it... and i think one of the qualities we so-called artists need is not giving up... even if it doesn't look like it's going the way you want, you still have to keep doing it, looking for the ways to make it work... then after certain moment, you could see something merging from what seems to be a jumble of disasters... and you start to have so much fun... also doing what i do, making music that's so not main stream, i really need that in me... also because the only way to decide if something is working or not is totally up to me... you know what i mean...
i have one more big project coming up in a month that i'll have to do so much work for it... and i'm sure there'll be many moments i'm going to say "i'm fucked..." hopefully this time i'll have less moments like that... i doubt it though...
but when it's so much fun doing it, how could i stop... and when there are so many amazingly talented people helping you out, you really cannot just give up...
ok, cheesy moment... but big big thanks to cornelius, trevor, miguel, jared, emily and andy... it turned out to be so much fun...

tonight in phily...

2007-11-05T00:37:00.000-05:00

just got back from a gig in phily...
after the gig this guy came up to me and said...
"considering how unfriendly you are, i was really shocked to see how sensitive you played."
for a second i wasn't sure if i heard him right then realized he did say what i thought he said, i said,
"oh, i'm shy but if you want to be judgmental about me, go ahead..."
he came back toward to me and said,
"i'm not judgmental. i came to the conclusion over the course of the evening" or something like that...

ok... here are some of my after thoughts which i really wish i was able to say it right away but i guess i didn't want to create a scene...

a. he wouldn't have said that to a guy...
b. where the hell did he get that bull shit theory that being friendly has anything to with playing sensitively...
and
c. fuck you...

seriouly...

for all the cello players out there...

2007-11-01T12:26:00.000-04:00

a couple of weeks ago, i flew with northwest to ann arbor... i think that was the first time i flew with a cello flight case on northwest... when i checked in, the woman at the desk asked me what it was and i said cello... and since i was checking only one bag and cello case was NOT overweight, i was sure i wasn't going to be charged... however she told me that i had to pay $80. each way and showed me a print out of their policy stating all the checked cello/bass will be charged $80. on domestic flights and more on international flights... which means it doesn't matter if it's undersize or underweight, which some of cello flight cases are, but as long as it either cello or bass, you'll have to pay... i should've told them it was viola da gamba... i've been flying so often and this was the most outrageous case... usually i rarely get charged... on top of all that, miya's koto which was also checked in for the same flight didn't get any extra charge although it was bigger and heavier...
so if you need to fly with your cello, please AVOID northwest... they are worse than delta...

damn...

2007-10-30T16:30:00.001-04:00

damn...
my right ear is ringing like crazy... like never before...
played a very very very x 100 loud gig last night... and i'm a total moron for not bringing ear plugs... i thought stuffing my ears with some tissue would help but the one i put in my right ear fell out during the gig and was totally exposed for at least 20 minutes... yikes... i really hope it'll go away... i couldn't fall asleep last night because it was so freaking loud...
it makes me wonder how those people who listen to their ipod or whatever so loud all day long can deal with this... they must experience the same pain as i have now, no...? maybe they all developed some kind of callus...?
argh... i'm an idiot... what can i say...

movies, movies, movies...

2007-10-24T10:33:00.000-04:00

saw "the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford" and liked it... have to admit it was a bit long and thought there were some parts in the middle that felt sluggish although i don't think they could've been cut... but the ending, last 15-20 minutes of the movie is so well done, it makes up for all other parts...
first of all, it looks beautiful... the coloring and the way they used distorted corners on certain scenes helped setting the tone of the movie... although i cannot say i loved the voice of voice over... if that makes any sense... it took me a while to get used to the way characters talked because the movie was set in the 19th century south... however after a while, i was able to figure things out easier... and all the acting was pretty flawless... it's easy to forget that brad pitt actually can act since he's so famous for his look but he's definitely perfect portraying jesse james who was paranoid and had many different faces... then casey affleck whom i'd not seen so much before did an amazing job pulling out the changes in the robert ford character... he's not like his brother...! then the music, done by nick cave and warren ellis, was simple and neutral (?) that also helped the movie not to become sentimental but melancholy... don't know if that makes any sense...
then went to see "control", a movie about joy division, a punk rock group from manchester area in the late '70s... and really liked the sincerity of the movie... shot in black and white which felt perfect for the movie... and the movie doesn't mystify ian curtis and his depression but rather shows a young boy getting confused about life and love in a way we can all relate to him... that's how i felt... we all went through and/or are still going through it... and again, a great ensemble cast from samantha morton to sam riley who played the main characters to tobby kebell who played the manager of the band... it's at film forum on limited run but think it's being held over...
then went to see "eastern promises" and loved it... oh, my god, yes, i loved that movie... although there were many many scenes i had to cover my eyes but thought everything was brilliant in that movie... and so many things unsaid and unseen but you can feel... especially the emotions of the characters... viggo mortensen is again underrated as an actor but he's so fucking fantastic in this movie... wow... the way he looks, talks, touches, gazes, moves... everything...!!! and all other characters were just perfect... naomi watts as a strong willed and strongly feminine mid wife, vincent cassel as son of russian mafia who's struggling to prove himself yet torn by his identity and armin mueller-stahl as cold blooded mafia who'll do anything to save his family... and the music was so beautiful, done by the cronenberg composer howard shore... i have seen a few of cronenberg's earlier movies and found them fascinating yet cold in a way... but this movie, i almost cried at the end... not to say that's why this movie is better than others but just to say i was able to connect to the characters...
i know, i'm full of it...

ah, mexico...

2007-10-22T11:01:00.001-04:00

spent a week in mexico... my first time and it was even better than i'd imagined... guess i didn't really expect that much since my knowledge on the country was practically zero... however what i saw and felt, especially thanks to our wonderful promoter orly beigel and her wonderful assistants, in mexico was really overwhelmingly beautiful...
the first gig was in guanajuato, small town that's seriously under developed... it pretty much felt like korea back in the '60s... not that i was around then but you know what i mean... all the small and colorful houses were packed on the hill side... tons of people selling things on the street... so many colorful fun looking vegetables and fruits i'd never seen... the town was built under and around old aqueducts from 500 years ago still looking sturdy... don't remember seeing traffic lights in the old part of town... mariachi bands dressed in beautiful uniforms marching around the town followed by tons of people singing along... felt like an idiot for not being able to say a thing in spanish...
then monterrey... the second largest city in mexico... definitely more modern and crowded... had a day off and did 3 things that i'd never done... went on driving go carts... just to let you know, i don't know how to drive... for some reason i thought it was something like bump cars in amusement parks but when i realized that i needed to know the basic driving skill, i kind of got scared... but it was too late... i already strapped myself to the car, maybe not that securely but manageable... it was a bit scary but fun... then went to play mexican bingo... yes, bingo... i really wanted to do it because i'd never done it in my life and always wondered how to play that game since i'd seen it many times in movies... however all the numbers were in spanish, obviously, so orly ended up shouting the numbers as soon as she heard the numbers... it was crazy fun... and addictive... i could see myself getting totally hooked on it unless i stopped immediately... i'm pisces, you know... we didn't really win anything but it sure was fun... it was a bit scary to see people eating, smoking and doing everything in front of bingo machines though... then went to eat roasted baby goat shoulder at this king of goat place right by the hotel... sorry if this image is grossing you out, my vegan/vegetarian friends but have to say it was really delicious... not fatty, tender and really good wrapped in soft taco... yum... probably it was the most money i spent on food there but sure was worth it... and the restaurant was filled with kitsch stuff... like stuffed two lions jumping up as if they were about to bite into each other's neck... and photos of the owner posing with many famous, i assume, females and they all looked a bit horrified by the guy... wonder if anybody sued the guy for sexual harassment... maybe they got free goat out of it... not bad...
however the highlight of the trip came on the following day... since our day off fell on monday i couldn't go to marco, contemporary museum in monterrey... so i had to go there the first thing in the morning... first of all, right outside, it had the best walk sign by cross walks... cannot explain it without sounding boring but the next time when you are near there, check it out... it's really funny... basically the guy in the sign starts to run as time runs out... and the beeps get faster and faster... i'm silly to find these things funny, i know...
the museum building itself was gorgeous... looked like just out of surrealism book, with high ceiling, things hanging from above, courtyard filled with shallow water... then i went into julio galán exhibit and my heart basically stopped for a second... it was so beautiful and touching and tragic... i'd never heard his name nor seen his works anywhere... don't think even my well informed friends really knew him... he died tragically last year at the age of 46... his paintings were about his identity, dreams, guilt, desire and soul... in a way he was very narcissistic or self obsessed which doesn't always work for me but his works were touching because it all had that innocence... lots of his paintings feature him like frida in many different settings... and many of them utilizes mixed media such as glitters, fabric, leather, plastic ornaments and so on... my favorite was this piece called "thinking of you" where the title of the exhibit came from... oh, all of his titles were so poetic too... this piece showed him sitting on a chair naked except his socks and shoes, with his head leaning back with his eyes closed... over lightly striped background and bold black scribbles on top... and the facial expression he painted was so beautiful and mournful at the same time... ah, just thinking of it makes my heart ache... really hope more people will get to see his work... they didn't even have the catalogues yet at the museum shop... somehow i found this catalogue from his new york show more than 10 years ago... looking forward to getting it in mail soon...
ah...
anyway...
then we went to mexico city where orly lives... and she was more than generous to show us around the town... we went to diego rivera's house which was connected to a house he built for frida kahlo by a bridge on the roof... and went to a great tacqueria and ate like kings (or pigs)... before that i went to palace of arts on my own and got to see many great murals done by him... unfortunately i didn't get to see so much of frida's work... however after the last concert, we went to this plaza where tons of mariachi musicians hang around to get hired and it was just magical... so many musicians dressed in that beautiful outfit with sexy trim on the side, playing their hearts out when someone hires them even for a tune or two... we heard a couple of tunes from one band and it was pretty great to hear live music right in front of you like that... then we went to orly's favorite taco place, standing only, and it was sooooo delicious... seriously if i lived there, i could eat there three times a day no problem...
the following morning when were flying back, orly took us to witch craft market and whole sale toy market... it was barely 9 in the morning yet the place was filled with many people and vibrant energy... many crazy looking fun toys for so little money... thank god i had only little money, otherwise i would have spent a lot more money... it was really fun and exciting to see the real local people doing what they do... apparently they do celebrate both halloween and the day of the dead, so everyone was gearing up for a long stretch of spooky fun...
then i came back...
wow...
it was so magical and alive there... cannot wait to go back there...

new Iooi album available for download (gee, i sound like one of those...)

2007-10-15T02:35:00.000-04:00

well...
Iooi is ikue mori, okkyung lee, olive illy martin aka billy martin...

it's available on emusic and iTunes apparently...

emusic...

and iTunes, guess you can just type the name...

if you do download, let me know how it is... it is still weird having an album that i cannot hold in my hands... uh... oh, yes, i haven't heard it yet... do remember the gig being super fun though...

hi, my titles are... what are yours...

2007-10-04T11:15:00.000-04:00

had to revise my "bio" for this application... hate doing it... writing about me... trying to convince people that i'm worthy of your wahtever... argh...
i'm composer, improvisor, cellist, musician, korean, female... blah blah blah...
sick of naming things... all those titles... what do they really mean anyway... can you really squeeze in what you are in those titles...?
saw this woman on tv giving an interview last night at the airport... her titles were actress/author/activist... or something like that...
why can't we just say our names and be done with it... even that's sometimes too much, isn't it...
let others figure it out... if they really want to do it... when they meet you in person...

babies and stuff... argh...

2007-09-10T21:33:00.000-04:00

a friend of mine is having a baby very soon... she might be in labor right now, who knows... i think she's going to be a super cool mom... also over last few years many of my friends had a baby or two and they all seemed to be doing pretty alright...
but whenever i think about whole pregnancy thing, i get squeamish, seriously... i just cannot get over how it makes me feel physically when i think about giving a birth... it's not something i want to experience ever... like i never want to get married and stuff...
and usually when i say this to people, 99 percent of people says, usually female, "wait until you are 35, your hormone will go crazy..." well, they might be right but i still have a hard time believing that will happen to me ever... i've never wanted to have a baby since forever and don't even like the babies all that much... ok, they are super cute and all but having my own is a whole different story... so much responsibility... i guess i'm too selfish...
yes, many of my friends have told me it definitely was the best thing ever happened to them and i'm truly happy for them... but i don't think all females have that so-called maternal instinct... yes, it's supposedly all written in our genes but i don't want to feel guilty or pressured about not being maternal enough...
when i had this conversation with laurie on the tour about my girlfriends telling me to wait and see, her comment was "that's a great response. i waited."...
that was the best thing i've ever heard from a fellow female regarding the matter...
guess i'll just have to wait and see...
hmm...

uh, excuse me...?

2007-08-16T10:57:00.000-04:00

as some of you might know, everyone who’s doing the door at the stone is volunteers… it’s been that way since the beginning of this year pretty much and it's been working out great thanks to so many people's generosity… and i usually try to do it at least 4 nights a month when i can… and some of you already might have seen me at the door… well, i know that i’m no miss sunshine by any means… i’ve never been one and i’ll never be, let me just say that up front…
anyway, it’s been a really interesting experience “doing” the door though… it is great to help out a good cause and support the community and get to hear good music of course… and most of time the audience who come to the stone are super cool, polite and generous… however there are a few “types” of people keep turning up and i find that baffling and amusing at the same time… and i’d like to share that with you…

a. people who come well after the concert started and keep asking me how long the music has been on and how much of it is left… usually i tell them it’s full admission since i don’t want to encourage any bad habit… but then makes me wonder if those people have ever tried to do that at movies for example… you wouldn’t go to a movie and demand on paying only for what you watched… i mean it’s up to you to show up before the gig if you want to get the “full” worth of your money… and also it’s funny to see people measuring the “value” of live music that way… like how much you’d pay for a pair of shoes depending on how many times you’d wear them… (well, that's one of the ways i justify whenever i give in buying another pair of shoes... yikes...)

b. as you might know the stone has a few rules such as no drinks, no food and it applies to everybody… meaning even the musicians who are playing that night and yes, even the door person… however people will show up with some kind of beverage and i tell them they can’t bring it unless it’s water, some people take it rather personally… as if i came up with the rules only for them… some say “it’s only tea” or “it’s only lemonade”… hello, do you really think they are the same of good old H2O…? or some say “that’s ridiculous…!” we have that policy because the floor surface is rather fragile and cannot afford to have something spilled on unless water… also if you go to a concert in lots of places, you are not allowed to bring it inside the hall… just because the stone is a small place tucked in alphabet city with no huge sign outside, please don't think you are not expected to show respect to the space and the music…

c. also there are some people who come in and just stand there by the entrance... fully knowing that i'm looking at them so i don't have to walk up to them and "ask" for the admission... but after a couple of minutes them refusing to look at my direction, i get up and do exactly that... then they look rather surprised and start to look for their wallets... and usually it takes more time than necessary... i think we all kind of know that most of music venues do have admission in new york... unless it's listed that some where... so just not looking at the door person isn't going to make the admission go away too...

oh, well, as i said, the percentage of these types are very small… but each time i have to deal with them, makes me wonder… well, i do not like bouncers myself though… hmm…

ah... rainy day...

2007-08-10T14:21:00.000-04:00

raining today... very refreshing after a few very sticky days...
watching(?) the danger man... love patrick mcgoohan...!
right after i got back home which is a month ago already, so hard to believe, i picked up a copy of "the fountainhead" by ayn rand... i'd watched the movie version some time ago and been meaning to read it but the volume of it, about 700 pages, scared me... however i saw this paper book version that was rather small in size and not too heavy, decided to read it... and in a week, i finished the whole thing... was such a book i couldn't stop reading and the characters became so vivid and real, i began to think them as real people... the book is about an architect, howard roark whose integrity and creative vision are so ahead of time, strong and uncompromising, he keeps putting to the test set by the rest of the world trying to make him fit in... meanwhile he meets a couple of people who can see what kind of challenge he has to face and try to help him... ayn rand was a philosopher who believed in objectism and said "must exist for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself. The pursuit of his own rational self-interest and of his own happiness is the highest moral purpose of his life."
it might sound selfish and cold but if you read the book, you would know it's not about that by any means... it's more about not compromising your ideals and goals in order to achieve short term satisfaction and acceptance from the rest of the world...
all i can say is that it was a life changing experience...
then went to see "rescue dawn" which was really great... thought christian bale and steve zahn were so fantastic and real in portraying soldiers captured in the middle of nowhere... then also the music was quite interesting... music was done by klaus badelt and he used quite many tracks from dutch cellist ernst reijseger's solo album and a couple of frances-marie uitti, also another cellist specialized in scelsi's music and so on... guess it was hard not to notice...
then went to see "this in england" and that was an amazing movie... i was lucky enough to catch the last screening at IFC center and i was so glad i got to see it... the movie was so real and heartfelt, couldn't believe they were acting for the most of time... it was done by this director shane meadows and when i was in nottingham early this year, one guy came up to me and told me i should check his films out... and i know why now... i don't know if it'll make back to the theatres but if it does, please catch it... it was really a great experience... and 13-year0old thomas turgoose who plays the main role, shaun, never acted before... hard to believe... and stephen graham who plays combo was exceptional...
oh, also watched a few great film noirs at film forum... it's still going on...
so... there you have it...

hate postcards...

2007-08-03T19:06:00.000-04:00

sometime toward to the end of last year i came up with this ridiculous idea of making my own postcrads... and made the first edition only for my friends... and now i have them available for everyone... that is if you are willing to pay 75¢ per each card... there are 5 designs... and they are not called hate postcards for their cheery messages...

view hate postcards

guess you could pay me via paypal somehow...
let me know what you guys think...
oh, it's also available at st. marks bookstore at the moment...

if you are curious about my tour last month...

2007-07-29T14:43:00.000-04:00

ok, some of it was written right after i got back... then i ran out of steam but finally finish it today... and as of today i've been back for 3 weeks... already...
anyway... here you go...
...............................

back in new york... having a bagel at cake shop... hot and humid but not too bad...
so...
hard to believe it's been more than a month since i left... did so much in such a short period of time... been to 7 different countries, most of them i'd never been to... met many new great people and even became friends with them... had a fabulous time working on laurie's music with skuli and peter... with help from jodi, aaron, brad and dave... and their fabulous significant others who came along... was so great to be a part of music with statement that generated people's reaction...
the highlight has to be when we played in an amphitheater in acropolis looking up the parthenon in athens, greece... the parthenon was lit so beautifully and magnificently, i had to try so hard not to be distracted by it while i was playing... but it was there whenever i looked up...! i grew up reading greek mythology like some kind of bible so just being in greece itself was such a treat... then staying in a hotel that had a view of parthenon was totally outrageous... then the day after the concert, some of us went on a boat on an invitation of this architect named constantine and we just floated on the ocean for 10 hours... he even went hunting(!) some fish right in the ocean and grilled them for us... even though i was getting sea sick and claustrophobia after 6 hours or so, it was a great experience... too bad i don't know how to swim... so dumb...
had so much fun hanging out with jesse and max in budapest who turned out to have so many friends in common... and oh, one of the most memorable meals of my life... we played at this gorgeous new concert hall in bartok center and had dinner at the restaurant there for two nights... the first night was ok, not the best or worst... but considering how chic the whole place was, it was a bit disappointing... then the second night after the performance which was almost midnight, we were all so hungry and ready to eat almost anything, they brought out this plate that had a pile of rice placed in a puddle of blackberry jam along with three deep fried triangular shaped cheese balls, sparkled with toasted almond flakes... we were totally astonished by the look of it, many of us took pictures... then since we were so hungry we all started to eat it but then we couldn't stop laughing and talking about it... what a bizarre combination that was... guess it was some sort of nuevo cooking that's going on in budapest but if i see another plate like that, i'm running...
didn't have enough time in prague... walked around for a little bit outside at night time and crossed that famous charles bridge and it was magical... wish we had one more day to hang out there... we saw lots of tourists on boats while sitting on a cafe on a river bank... one even had a topless waitress...
then macedonia came... let me just say i will remember macedonia for their meat platters... the promoters from there took us to this restaurant on a mountain looking down at the entire city and it was gorgeous... and the food, mostly meat, was pretty good but maybe too much of it... think we ended up eating less than a half of what they brought out which made me feel bad... then the next day after checking out the old market, we went to lunch they arranged and again, we had pretty much the same meat platter... we were in desperate need for some fish or anything that wasn’t meat... oh, then we ran into many gypsy people which was frustrating because they were using their kids to beg for money... one night when we went out to a bar, i saw these 2 tiny kids sleeping on a tiny mat in the middle of the street...! their mother must have gone somewhere else but decided to leave them there...! was so infuriating... couldn’t believe that they were sound asleep in the middle of crowed street with loud dance music...
then rome... it was just like what i've imagined plus 10 times more tourists... thought about going to coliseum then the line looked like it was going to take at least 3 hours to wait and i gave up... went inside the pantheon and it had such a calming effect looking up the ceiling... beautiful light coming through the hole in the middle of the ceiling... illumintating all the relifs of the celing and scultures... then i went on a vintage clothing shopping with brad, the fabulous manager we were lucky to have, and we totally scored... went to these two places called pulp and god save the look and found so many fabulous things... mostly shiny glitterly stuff... heh heh heh... they went very nicely with these gold sneakers i was wearing, i though...
oh, our first gig was in udine, italy but didn't really get to check out the city since it was the very first gig and had to rehearse quite a bit... went to a very nice restaurant though... hmm, i must have the card somewhere... ask me if you need to...
then the last coutry for the tour was spain... we stopped by in madrid and the city felt great... warm dry heat and beautiful light... felt really nice being there even briefly... then went to san sebastien and stayed at the best hotel ever... rolling stone was staying at the same hotel right before we came... had the biggest bathroom ever...
(here i picked up today...)
then barcelona... oh, my god, did i love that city... at first i kept getting lost before realizing how big the whole city was... then finally i got my orientation together and was able to check out some gaudi buildings... and wow... walking down the winding path to the parc guell after climbing up all that escalators (i know, i couldn't dare to walk up... ), i couldn't stop saying "what the fuck..." it was like nothing i'd seen before... so many crazy details and ideas that were put into building that parc... and literally breathtaking view of barcelona... even in the hot sun, i couldn't stop standing and admiring the view for as long as i could take... then the next day i went to la familia sagrada and inside i was getting goose bumps all over my body... think that was the most gorgeous and inspiring building i've ever been... the ceiling was so high and magnificient without making you feel small but rather inspired... then all those scultures outside the church were unbelievably abstract yet emotional and powerful... and all those symbols he put into it... was just amazing... cannot wait to go back...
now i'm totally spoiled... still i love new york...

a few days ago on F train...

2007-06-03T00:26:00.001-04:00

happened to sit next to these two kids probably in their early 20's talking to each other...

a. so what do you think about philip glass?
b. he uses the same pattern for a long time, like 10 minutes, right? nah, not really into it.

a. what about that guy, steve reich?
b. hmm, his music is too atonal and noisy for me. i used to like all that noisy stuff and i think it's still cool but cannot listen to it anymore.

(i held on tightly to my seat, not trying to roll my eyes...)

a. you mean like kronos and stuff?
b. yeah, it's cool but not my thing anymore. i can take it live for a little bit but that's about it.

a. so what are you listening to these days?
b. i like something that's drone-y so i don't really have to think too much while listening. that i can handle.

a. cool.

thank god, the train reached my stop... otherwise they might have had an experience they wouldn't forget that easily...

why am i so damn lucky...?

2007-05-15T23:09:00.000-04:00

my last night in portugal... packing for the flight tomorrow morning going back to new york... it's so crazy packing my suitcase seems so ordinary...
had great 6 days here... stayed with a dear friend of manuel mota who took such a great care of me... made sure i was comfortable, translated every damn thing to english, did all the driving for me and many other things... we did three nice/challenging gigs to new audience... met many nice people and musicians... ate some great food... lots of delicious seafood... sea bass, octopus and those tiny fried fish you can eat the whole thing (sorry my vegetarian friends)... great coffee... that yummy egg custard like tart with cinnamon... and saw lots of different crazy architectures... old and new and everything in between... wow... cannot wait to come back...
have to say one of the best things about touring and playing music is that i get to make friends with some great people... lots of stimulating conversations about everything... this year alone i was so lucky to have so many great people taking care of in sweden, denmark, england, france, anguilla, scotland and portugal... some of them i had met before but some of them total strangers... their kindness and hospitality make me wonder how i could be so lucky to know so many wonderful people... and help me stay humble... and realize i have so much to learn as a musician and a human being... i know, it sounds a bit cheesy but i also mean it, damn it...
thank you, all of my wonderful friends...
oh, you guys rock too, my friends in new york...

aaaaahhhhhhh...

2007-04-29T18:26:00.000-04:00

feel exhausted... cannot believe april is almost gone...
hmm... played at kill your timid notion festival in dundee, scotland and had such a wonderful time... everybody involved were super cool, relaxed, passionate and supportive... playing/hanging out with andrew lampert, steve beresford and mark sanders was a blast... and met many other cool people... we tried all sorts of baked goods and i did like oat cake quite a bit... although i didn't get to taste dundee cake... then was in edinburgh for a day and thought the entire city was so gorgeous... all those stone buildings and hills cobble stone street... and so on... was so much fun... too bad i didn't get to go near a sheep but oh, well... don't know why and how but the green in that country is so particularly green... very different from what you get over here...
then a day after i got back, got up at 6:30 in the morning and went down to washington dc to play with vijay/mike ladd's still life with commentator at george washington university... we drove for 6 hours then went straight to the venue to do a sound check and stayed until 10... the gig went really great and chilled out... for some reason everybody was relaxed on the stage and that brought out some new qualities into the show... then after hassling at the hotel to get our rooms for almost an hour, went to bed at 2... got up at 6:30 and drove back to new york to be at a sound check at joe's pub... then did the gig at 11:30 which ended at 1:20 in the morning... went to bed at 3, got up at 8, went to my sunday gig, finished at 7... then there was fire on subway tack, spent 2 hours underground... got home at 9... passed out...
then was lucky enough to be a part of john zorn's marathon concert at miller on thursday... it was three hour full of amazing music... from masada string trio to double bass clarinet duo to string quartet to cobra... so intense and very rewarding... then the following night, played with b. fleishmann from vienna at austrian cultural forum, playing notes... and had so much fun...
then here i am...
went to brooklyn botanical garden yesterday but only a few trees were bloomed... still it was fun to be outside eating out of japanese bento boxes we got...
oh, went to see "the lives of others" last monday which was my first night off and thought it was brilliant... it was one of those movies you leave the theater feeling very satisfied... the story, acting, cinematography and music... everything was in the right place... gabriel yared did a beautiful and haunting score... loved that piano sonata...
and watched "the 40 year old virgin" last night and this morning, i fell asleep around 5 in the morning, and thought it was really sweet... steve carell is playing maxwell smart on the remake of "get smart", tv show from the '60s and think he'll be great at it...
wanna go to see "black book" sometime this week if i can...
uh...
so that's why i'm so tired...
oh, in case you don't know it yet but i really like this japanese bakery called zaiya on 3rd avenue right below st. marks... especially their rice balls and mochi doughnuts... they make everything right there so sometimes you get those rice balls really warm and fresh... yum... and good salad... and very interesting baked stuff... if you're adventurous enough, try spicy tuna bun or ham roll... also i'm addicted to their honey butter toast... yum...
ok... i'd like to get some sleep tonight...

it happened last night... again...

2007-04-07T12:00:00.001-04:00

ok... last night it happened again... well, it's been a while since i'd been in that situation but there it was... again...
alright... we (jeremiah cymerman, matt welch, sam kulik, tom blancarte plus myself) had a gig at this place called stain bar in williamsburg... it's right off the grand station on L... jeremiah hooked up the gig and we were supposed to do a solo each... and jeremiah had told me how the owner sounded cool and enthusiastic about music and all...
so we got to the place and somehow i could smell that this wasn't the right place for us... but since we were there, i wasn't going to ruin other people's time by saying this place felt weird to me...
anyway...
we walked in and the inside was rather spacious... but then had a tiny stage on the far corner with an amp with a sign saying keep it quiet... no speakers... and a bathroom on the other corner and the bar not too far away... since we were all doing solo, there shouldn't have been any problem... and of course the bartender reminded us again that we had to keep it down...
it was about 10 after 8 when sam started his solo... he plays bass trombone... he wasn't playing loud but the people at the bar and the bartender were talking so loud, it was almost impossible to hear sam... which began to irritate me... i mean i knew that we were in a bar and not expecting everybody to be quiet... but then they could've moved away from the stage or at least try not to be louder than the music... there were lots of chairs on the other side of the place... well, anyway, i wanted to keep it civilized somewhat and didn't say anything... then tom went on with his bass solo... he decided not to go through that amp since it wasn't a bass amp anyway... and he began his solo very energetic hoping that people will start to pay some attention to music... but then of course the bartender and the people kept yakking... making me so angry... so i leaned toward to jeremiah and asked him if he cared if he'd ever get a gig at that place and he said no... so when it was my turn to play, i turned up the amp up and up and up... and still i think i wasn't loud enough... and when my microphone was feeding back, they all stopped talking at least for a second... anyway, so i began playing with the highest, screechy-est, ugliest sound i can and just continue sawing... i was so mad at that point, i wasn't playing music but simply letting my anger come out through my cello which made me even more unhappy... still whenever i got little quieter, i could hear that annoying bartender... so i went on and on... then after me, it was matt welch playing saxophone... and he can play that shit LOUD... still people kept talking but at least i could hear him...! then it was jeremiah finishing our glorious set at the stain bar... he began with screechy sound on his clarinet... then when it wasn't loud enough, he took his mouth piece out and created the loudest sound of the entire night... and i was cheering him to get even louder... that's when the bartender walked toward to jeremiah and tried to stop him... and i stood up and told her she couldn't do that... and the next 10 minutes were me and her going at each other verbally... and it wasn't pretty... but you know what, i am glad i did it... not that i'm a big fan of yelling at people (at least not as much as i used to) but i just couldn't let her step all over us and our music... treating it like it was some kind of background music that they can talk on top of it... if that's what they wanted, they shouldn't even have live music and just play records... and what's up with that pretentious tiny stage... do they think their bar is a set for "friends" where phoebe sings stupid songs about cats...? and you know what, even in that stupid sitcom, people LISTENED...!!!
anyway... that bartender was beyond anything... she was a total cultural moron and probably didn't even deserve me yelling at her... the stuff she said was pretty pathetic... she even tried to have other people in the audience get involved which they didn't...
well, after that 5 of us and a bunch of friends went to a bar around the corner and had a fucking GREAT time...
it's really shame that it's getting harder and harder to find places to play in the city... but we are not ready to back down... we will find places to play and the right people... and hopefully i don't have to yell at anybody anymore... and play some music, damn it...

memoirs of a geisha...

2007-04-04T11:58:00.000-04:00

watching it right now on tv...
come on, give me a fucking break...
it's almost impossible to watch without getting my skin crawl... for so many reasons... it's year 2007 (ok, it was made a couple of years ago) and do chinese still have to play japanese...? and if so, they should have known that chinese accent and japanese accent in english is very different... well, of course it is weird to see them speaking in english... i know the book was written in english... but it is weird to see it on screen when i can hear it all...
all those chinese actresses are fabulous ones and shouldn't have been wasted like that... and why is it all the male characters ARE played by japanese while female ones are not...? thank god, it didn't become a box office hit... otherwise there would haveen even MORE people who couldn't care less that asians are not all the same... "letters from iwo jima" was exact the opposite example of that... keeping it real and respectful to the culture and people and history...
argh... i don't know... maybe i'm just cranky...
argh...

hmm...

2007-03-31T10:08:00.000-04:00

what will make them acknowledge what actually happened if pure historic document cannot... i somehow think if this matter is brought to international court like what happened to many nazis after the world war II... maybe i'm expecting too much... but at least it's comforting(no pun intended...) to know that there are few japanese people in japan pursuing the truth...

in japan, a historian stands by a proof of wartime sex slavery - NY times article
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/31/world/asia/31yoshimi.html?_r=1&ref=world&oref=slogin

yay... finally the government is getting it... at least in san francisco...

2007-03-28T10:35:00.000-04:00

i really do not like plastic bags...

plastic bags banned in san francisco
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/03/27/environment.baggs.reut/index.html

petition...

2007-03-24T13:06:00.000-04:00

catholic high school girl brutally beaten by racist mob on ny city bus
http://www.digg.com/world_news/Catholic_High_School_Girl_Brutally_Beaten_by_Racist_Mob_on_NY_City_Bus

petition
http://www.petitiononline.com/mtahate1/

i'm just baffled...

2007-03-20T10:23:00.000-04:00

so...
they are apologizing for miscalculating cherry blossom season but not comfort women...
go figure...

cherry blossom
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6450861.stm

comfort women
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/03/03/sex.slaves.ap/index.htm

eh...

2007-03-14T19:04:00.000-04:00

i feel like ranting...
it's so damn gorgeous out and i'm sick and cranky...
been spending awful a lot of time watching danger man aka secret agent man at home... patrick mcgoohan... he's my ideal man, period... well, gene kelly comes pretty close though...
i know, maybe i mean john drake but i cannot help thinking that patrick mcgoohan's real personality definitely is reflected on john drake... after all he refused to show him carrying a gun or kissing a girl on screen... not that's why i think he's my ideal man... he's so... just perfect... he's tender, shrewd, masculine, careful, gorgeous, sensitive and most of all, fair... and all those little things he does... only the things someone who's watched the show tons of times would notice of course... like the way his fingers move when he's feeling relentless, the way he pauses for split second before his moves when he's being cautious, the way he lifts his right eyebrow out of suspicion... damn, it's so stupid...
have to admit i haven't been able to get into prisoner yet because i'm so not ready to let go of john drake...
eh...
looking at my "friends" list here... it says i have more than 1000 and some friends... how did that happen...? just to let you know, yeah, like it's really a big deal for you or anybody, i don't accept everybody... believe it or not, i refuse good 50% of people who "request" to be on my list... sometimes i see some of these people "collecting" female musicians or asian chicks or any kind of girls as a matter of fact... so ridiculous... i absolutely refused to be "collected" by anybody... that's one of the reasons why i got rid of all the pictures that shows my face really... well, there's still one up but i like that one... yikes... hard to be a chick in this world... yeah, right...
uh... i still like being a girl...
also i do like getting older... just turned 32... feel more relaxed and comfortable... it's kinda weird not to be the youngest of the bunch anymore... i'm supposed to be an old maid at that age... my parents probably have give up the hope of me getting married anytime soon... well, what can i say... i do not believe in marriage... at least for me... i know it does work for some people but i think people should live together for a long time before they get married... and people must get a license to have a kid... when i was coming back from dia:beacon a couple of weeks ago, there was this young mom with two little kids and everything came out of her mouth was "shut up!" to her kids... she was so damn busy looking at herself on mirror fixing her hair and talking on the phone for more than an hour, she couldn't care less if her kids were crying and almost choking... why didn't i say anything...? because i'm a coward... but felt like if i said anything it would have made the situation even worse for the kids... ah, excuses and excuses... she sucked big time...
i know there are many great parents out there... doing the best they can... but then there sure are many shitty ones... creating the vicious circle of unhealthy, emotionally crippled parent/child relationship...
eh...
there you go, i'm ranting... and still cranky...

what did i eat for last 2 months...?

2007-02-28T11:45:00.000-05:00

well, i better do this before all the memories fade away...
in barbados...
was awful... didn't get to eat anything interesting... we were taken to this tourist joint that served burgers and chicken wings while this singer/guitarist duo were singing all pop songs... yikes...
in korea...
ate lots of my mom's home cooked meal which was fantastic... she fed me 3 big meals a day and they all had so much garlic...! she would finish cooking the food that already had so much garlic to begin with, then put even some more raw garlic afterward...! tasted great and sure helped my immune system and i didn't get sick once for last 2 months, even while traveling non-stop...! also everything was pretty much very very spicy... you know, korean food... didn't have so much street food as much as i hoped for, but oh, well...
in stockholm...
well, remember having very good coffee and dessert in general... had a very good chicken dish with very yummy quinoa salad... went to glenn miller to see nina (de heney) play a gig and they had a great atmosphere and food... and people were listening to music...! oh, also i got hooked on eating soft boiled eggs with that kalles caviar paste... you know what i'm talking about, right...? wish if i could have brought three tubes of those back home...!
in copenhagen...
had a fabulous salad right in front of my friend's house in downtown copenhagen... it was 4 different kinds of cold salad... especially green bean one with tomato was so tasty... wish i remembered the name of the restaurant... again, very good coffee... oh, by the way, i didn't drink coffee before... i only drink it when i'm not in the states, weird... i find most of espresso drinks with strong bitter after taste which i'm not so crazy about... also my friend cooked a lot and that was delicious and fun...
in uk...
well, i know it'll make me sound like just another tourist but it IS expensive over there... i have to admit i ended up eating quite a lot of those pre-packed sandwiches since they are reasonably cheaper and pretty good quality... but after a while, i got really sick of them... uh, i got treated very nicely once outside london in terms of food... oh, rachel made this unbelievably delicious vegan chocolate cake... i'm not kidding, it was so moist and chocolaty... and yes, it was vegan... then once i returned to london, i thought i should treat myself to one nice meal at least... so i asked a couple of people for suggestion for a good indian restaurant... and they directed me to this one called rasa on charlotte street... well, it was pretty good but i ended up spending £25 and sorry to say this but it wasn't worth that much money... but then as i said, it is expensive in london, period...
then paris... oh my god...
pretty much any pastry i got was fantastic... and again, good coffee... made me feel so stupid for not being able to say anything in french... also this chocolate cake we had at mike's place was so out-of-this-world yummy... i forgot to ask him where he got it, damn...
uh, went to this famous l'as du falafel and it did kick ass... i love good falafel and chickpea in new york is pretty damn good too... but at this joint, they put fried eggplant with falafel and that made it extra delicious... yes, you can get fried eggplant sandwich with eggs at chickpea but not with falafel... maybe i should ask for it...
also liberty and i stumbled upon this restaurant called la jacobine on rue saint-andré des arts... liberty had this lamb dish that looked really good... oh, he said it tasted good too... my crepe was not too bad but i'd had better... oh, then we got this aztec chocolate drink at the end and that was some serious chocolate with nice hint of chilly pepper... made me all dizzy and shit...
then upon a friend's suggestion for the best cous-cous, i went to this place l'homme bleu on jean-pierre timbaud... actually i went there on sunday first then so pissed to see it was closed... then i went back and boy,was i glad...! it was empty and the owner was sipping a glass of wine... i ordered cous-cous with lamb with sauce and sausages... and it was amazing... probably the best cous-cous i've ever had... as i poured the sauce over cous-cous, it became plump and tasty... and the meat... wow, i'm drooling... thanks, andrea...
in anguilla...
we were taken out for every meal... and my favorite was conch creole dish at tasty's... must have been the first conch dish ever... it was sweet, soft, juicy and great with rice... they serve lots of red snappers over there... also some nice salad... the last night i had gorgonzola salad with orange wedges at the pump house and that was really good... oh, was so intrigued to find korean bbq wings and had to try it... but it wasn't korean by any means... wonder why they called it korean...
so there you have it... now i can go back talking about movies...

ah, paris… just thinking of it makes me sigh…

2007-02-18T12:55:00.000-05:00

just had my first bagel in almost a month… wasn’t the best one but still… i’m back in new york finally…
so paris… it doesn’t even feel real that i was there for a week… had a very exciting and “(a)live” gig with vijay and mike that the audience was very responsive and enthusiastic… the venue was pretty nice theater outside paris called… then had a solo set at this club called le triton which i think it went pretty well… the thing about playing almost everyday is that you kind of get sick of what you are doing… especially doing solo stuff… feel like you are repeating yourself yet again… and i hate that feeling… the first piece was more abstract and noisy but then the last one was only notes which will make some of my friends “proud”… just joking… and everybody at the club was so nice and open… i was a bit nervous since i was opening for a rather straight jazz trio… but they were really responsive and made me feel comfortable…
then had 3 full days of just wandering around… well, the fist day which was sunday was not so eventful since so many things were closed and i was exhausted after changing the hotels… after wandering about a little bit, i went to see a concert at instant chavirés… it was concert of lebanese improvisors collaborating with other european musicians… and the entire night was great… those are the people i wouldn’t have heard unless i lived in europe…! and they were making some unbelievably cool stuff… although i wasn’t so crazy about the place itself…
then the next morning, i went out to get lost in the city… and can i just tell you, paris was way more beautiful than i even imagined… all the endless array of amazingly beautiful buildings and bridges and everything… every block i was in awe looking at all the details wondering who in the earth had the right mind and time to do all that… then they were living in a very different time for sure…
the first place i went to was napoleon’s tomb along with army museum… actually i was heading to eiffel tower but got turned around and ended up there… and when i walked in, i just couldn't believe my eyes… the size of it and how elaborate the whole thing was… as if they tried to make him into a god or something… his coffin, although hard to believe there was something really in it, was at the bottom of the building and surrounded by this female figures gazing onto it, guess there were 12 of them… actually i didn’t count but it looked like some kind of clock so i’m just assuming… then on the ground floor there some of his swords and pistols and they were so beautifully ornamented…
then made a quick stop at eiffel tower… thought about going up there but then the line was long and somehow i didn’t feel like doing it by myself, if you know what i mean… looking at the tower from the bottom was really beautiful anyway… and when i saw it later at night time all lit, it was just gorgeous…
went on to louvre and i have to admit i wasn’t so crazy about it… first of all the size was way too intimidating and there were just so many paintings and not every one of them are masterpieces… i ended up only going to the italian painting section then i also got weirded out by the fact that most of those paintings were stolen… maybe i was focusing too much on darker side but still… well, i though i would go back to check out the french section but it wasn’t meant to be…
then did a quickie shopping since practically every shop in paris was having a huge sale… heh heh heh… i’m just glad i didn’t have that much money to spend… otherwise…
then when i thought i couldn’t walk anymore, somehow ended up near the arc de triomphe and decided to go up… after walking up the spiral staircases that made me dizzy i got to see the paris at night and it was breathtaking… the fact that the city had so many roundabouts that had some kind of beautiful structures in the middle made every single section of the city unique and charming… then that eiffel tower lit up with the spotlight rotating all over the city… ah, it was beautiful even when it was drizzling…
the the next day… went to musée d’orsay and oh, my, it was a fabulous museum… they had some fabulous manet, monet, cezanne, van gogh and my love, toulouse-lautrec…! and although i was never been a huge fan of degas but there were many gorgeous pastels works of his displayed under dim lighting and they were stunning…! the way he colored human flesh was absolutely genius… and this piece called… by monet was such a delight to see in person… i’d seen it many times on books but too see it in person was so different and could only imagine how surprised people must have been back in the days… it was so abstract but caught exact the impression of the sunlight and wind yet you cannot even see her face…! oh, even some of renoir pieces had similar effect on me… then i walked into this room full of toulouse-lautrec’s pastels… oh, my god… his usage of green is just out-of-this-world marvelous… and the expressions he got were so alive you could feel the personality of each person… wow… was blown away again by him… then of course van gogh… one of the paintings was his portrait and it was touching in so many ways… his gaze and solemn expression… and another one with farmers sleeping next to haystacks painted in his famous yellow… wow… oh, forgot to mention i did see some of van gogh’s work at the national gallery in london and they were unbelievable… i’m seriously running out of vocabularies to describe all these amazing paintings… and i’m sure i’m forgetting to mention so many other great works…
then my new discovery was hector guimard… he was an architect/designer from art nouveau who also created “metropolitan” sign outside some of the metro stations… and i almost didn’t make it to his room at the museum because i’m not such a big fan of furniture but then when i saw his green couch with cabinet on top of it, i was in shock… was one of the most beautiful thing made out of wood i’d even seen… the shape of it, flow of it, compositions of it… it was perfect… then jewelry by rené lalique was another discovery of mine… wow… how did they do it…?!?!
then i was too stimulated to go to any other museums really… thought about going back to louvre but thankfully it was closed because it was tuesday… then ended up wandering about some more… oh… i really need to go back and just go to all the museums… it was such a fabulous deal to have that museum pass… not only the price but the fact that you don’t need to wait on line to get in… oh, and yes, paris metro is the best… never had to wait more than 3 minutes ever… and so easy to get around and figure out where to get out… although there weren’t any lifts or escalators so it was a bit hard to get around with my cello flight case… then the last day, one lady offered to help… thank you who ever you were…
you might have noticed that i have’t mention a single food i’d had in entire trip… well, it’s because i’m going to talk about food separately… what do you think about that…? wait and see…

good old england...

2007-02-12T17:07:00.000-05:00

wow... cannot believe i did it... but yes, i did my last gig in europe two nights ago... and only two more nights left in paris... wow...
hmm... so much has happened since my last blog... hope this won't sound all too crazy and confusing and too long... oh, well... maybe i'll break into two parts...
so after the first gig in london, i went on to bristol, hull, leeds, nottingham and back to london... took a train to bristol... the one i was supposed to be on got cancelled because there was fire... then the one i took ended up hitting a dog... then did a fun gig with patrick farmer on drums... although it felt a bit weird opening up for this singer/songwriter person... don't know if people liked or not but we liked it... some people did walk out which i actually liked... it's better not to have those people around sending out weird vibe, if you know what i mean... the following morning, we took the very first train to oxford... then again this one stopped due to some engineering work... while we were being held, patrick saw this guy outside the train and said "i didn't think you could get off the train..." then a minute later, the conductor announced that we were being held because this guy who was wanted by police and being escorted to the next station had escaped through a window... then we saw this lone police officer who happened to be woman, chasing the guy by the train... while the conductor was running around within the cars... finally that guy ended up running off to the nearby motorway and we could see that poor police officer gave up on chasing the guy... so that was my british train experience... so exciting...!!!
then we got off and joined patrick's band mates and drove to leeds... and they were all so lovely... and i was surprised that i understood what they were saying... guess by then my ears were adopted to british accent... then i dropped my expensive croissant at a service station because the woman at the cash register was mean... well, i was being clumsy more or less but she WAS mean...
then met up with jez riley who set up hull & leeds gigs for me and drove off to hull... played at this super cool, funky place called the adelphi club... and let me just tell you, paul who owns that place had a voice so much like patrick mcgoohan's, i was in awe all the time... and he was such a cool guy with great sense of humor, you know, so-called british style... the gig went well, i think... was really shocked to see people had turn up... played with jez, karl d'silva and rob gawthrop after a short solo set... also cooper-jones from manchester shared the bill and they were lovely...
the next day was at leeds playing with 7hertz and the navigators and matt bourne... they were all fantastic and sooooo damn nice... and the place we played, holy trinity church was just fantastic... you know, you can do anything and still sound good because the acoustic is so amazing, especially if you play a string instrument... i somehow ended up playing standing up for 10-15 minutes... have no idea how i did it but i didn't drop my cello...
the following day jez and i went on to nottingham to play at the rose of england with lee patterson, will guthrie and dom lash which patrick and rachel put together... was more electronics heavy line up which worked very well... although i was struggling a bit with my solo set... think my strings were pretty much dead and harmonics were not really coming through... oh, well... i somehow managed thanks to the great audience... after the gig, i talked to dave (sorry, didn't get your last name) who told me he agreed on what i thought of "mystic river"... gotta check out that "dead man's shoe" he recommended... it has paddy who i find very intriguing...
uh... then got back to london, went straight to the gig with liam noble at the shaw gallery at LSE that jamie (damn, i forgot your last name again, sorry...) set up for me... and the place was really great... except i was a bit intimidated when i got there since it was a real library that everybody was very very quiet... or asleep... we did a short duo set i liked a lot... although i felt bad for liam who probably had no idea what to expect from me musically... but he played great and kicked my ass... well, there was this girl who slept (even snoring lightly) through the entire set somehow... i really did my best to wake her up by playing all the ugliest sounds i can make on my cello but did not work... thought about throwing a lychee at her but then didn't want to start a trouble...
oh, have to mention this horrible hotel i stayed in london... well, the first one i stayed at called europa house hotel wasn't too bad... it was rather old and not the most convenient one but still people were very sweet and its location was great... a few minutes from paddington station... then the second one i stayed called comfort inn at earl's court was AWFUL... the people were not friendly, the room was literally a closet and it was so damn noisy, i ended up waking up at 7 in the morning... i stayed there on the 2nd and the 7th... and i asked them if i could leave my cellos flight case for the days i was gone and they wanted to charge me £5 per night...! if it hadn't for matt milton (who is one of the sweetest guys i've EVER met even though he might not like me saying it) who took it for me, it would have cost me £30...! i really strongly discourage you from booking at that hotel...
oh, although i wrote that it was mainly ladies who helped me out at the tube stations, there were many gentlemen who helped me out on the last day... i actually almost got into an accident on an escalator while carrying my flight case and suit case... was scary... yikes... my flight case got stuck at the bottom of it and almost fell... after that at least 3 people helped me with carrying my stuff... and this time, many of them were men... (matt, people are nice in london although i did see a guy getting out of his ferrari with a metal rod ready to hit this guy who punched his car in the middle of oxford circle...)
went to tate modern twice and i really really really love that place... they had two barnett newman pieces called "adam" and "eve" and they were so beautiful and inspiring... amazing red and deep brown/purple... and his "zipz" are so poetic... if i can ever write music remotely close to them, i'll die as a happy person... and saw an elegant piece by giacometti called "hour of the traces"... it was something he made totally unconsciously (or tried to, it looked so damn fantastic!!!)... saw bruce nauman's "double no" again... also i saw "three studies for figures at the base of a crucifixion" by francis bacon and i think it might have been the very time i saw hos paitings in person and i was totally blown away... the color and intensity... how abstract the figures were yet so emotional and felt real... wow... i got chill on my spine... i really need to spens whole week there just sitting in front of the paitings... oh, then there were this set of 9 paitings by rothko... damn... wanna go back tomorrow... too bad i didn't get to ride those tubes... oh, well...
ok, i have to write about paris in the next one because this one is already ridiculously long... but can i just tell you, i do LOVE paris too... wow...

still tired...

2007-02-02T06:49:00.000-05:00

ah... in london at the moment...
after stockholm, traveled to copenhagen by train... then hung out with a friend of mine for a couple of days... and it was fun, stimulating and relaxing... we talked a lot about music and many other things... i have to say so far that's been the best part of it... playing music and having lots of great conversations with people...
was really warm and beautiful in copenhagen, believe it or not... the city was old but had great energy... also my friend happened to live in the middle of the city where surrounded by many vintage stores which was great and dangerous for me... i did score a couple of great skirts and stuff... then also i got to play with my friend and another pianist from copenhagen and it was really great... (i'm leaving out my friend's name because i think she'd rather prefer that...)
then flew into london by easyjet which is one of those very cheap airlines flying within europe and have to say i was surprised that they were not too bad... although the lady at the check in kiosk wasn't sure if south koreans were allowed in uk... actually the same thing happened when i went to barbados a few weeks ago... but i thought that was rather funny since there were so many tv monitors with huge LG logo on top which is korean company... anyway she was very apologetic about the whole thing... the plane was very new and reminded me a little bit of those chinese buses running between boston and new york... new but definitely not made with the top quality material, if you know what i mean...
then i arrive at stansted airport which is northeast of london and i was personally glad i didn't have to go through heathrow which can be a huge hassle with all that security... then took a shuttle bus to london...
i do like london quite a lot... although i still find the place more intimidating than new york... it's spread out endlessly and busy and expensive... but people are very friendly... so far i had to go through tube stations with my giant flight case with a suitcase where there were no escalators or elevators... but then there were always someone offering to help... actually funny that 3 out 4 people who helped me were all women...
did a very nice gig with matthew milton and stefano tedesco a couple nights ago... the atmosphere was very nice as well... i was so surprised that there were actually people showing up... probably more than in new york... well, yes...
hmm... now i'm thinking about visiting tate modern today... went to tate britain and national gallery yesterday... love that those museums are all free...! there were some nice exhibit about protest in britain called of stae of britain... seems like people are very upset with blair which they all should be...
then tomorrow, more traveling... i'm glad i got 9 hours of sleep last night...
oh, went to christian marclay's opening at white cube gallery here and it was really fantastic... if you are in london area, you should definitely check it out...

what time is it now...

2007-01-27T03:23:00.001-05:00

ah... it's 7:32 am local time here in stockholm... too early for anything...
got back from korea last saturday to new york... then only 4 days later, i'm here... no wonder my sense of time is all screwed up... when i got to korea, i could sleep only 4 hours for the first 3 days which wasn't too bad... then back in new york, i thought i didn't have any jet lag but then on the second day, couldn't sleep for something like 28 hours... then passed out... was so freaked out to see how dark it was when i woke up... thinking i missed my flight to paris...
then flew to paris the following night... got there around noon... stopped by security because of my giant cello case... had 9-hour lay over in paris so went to musee pompidou... was a bit disappointing since one of their modern art floors was closed... had yves klein special... too bad i couldn't understand french since the most interesting thing was the documentary clips on his painting using female nudes... all i could understand was ceci bon...! then there were some nice video installations... bruce nauman, joseph cornell, marcell duchamp, man ray and so on...
then went back to charles de gaulle to catch my flight to stockholm... de gaulle is such a weird airport... it felt almost as big as heathrow without any real reason... then i had to go through security twice just because there was no bathroom in near the gate... then got into stockholm late at night...
then one of my favorite things... eating breakfast in foreign countries... especially there are two things i love about having breakfast in europe... which is plain yogurt and soft boiled eggs... and i absolutely loved eating soft boiled eggs with caviar paste for breakfast... salty, sweet, soft... yum... if it wasn't too difficult to bring liquid/gel stuff on planes, i'd buy 3 tubes of it... oh, well...
then last night, played with lindha with two other fabulous string players, nina de heney and anna lindhal...was even better that i expected... got goosebumps at one point which is a great thing... played at this cool looking venue called kulturehuset in the middle of downtown and the whole thing went really well... and coming from me, that's a lot... heh heh heh...
today i'll explore the city a bit... go into the old town area... so far the city looks and feels great... and not too cold which is... you know, a bit scary...

home... and my grandma...

2007-01-14T19:05:00.000-05:00

it's been about 6 days since i came to korea for the first time in more than 8 years... i wasn't even planning on coming until the 30th of december, the day after my last blog, when i found out how sick my grandma was... so got the tickets right away and i'm here now... unfortunately she's very ill and cannot even really speak... but i think she recognizes that i'm here to see her... she's gotten so small and thin... well, she was always tiny but always (sometimes annoyingly) full of energy and active throughout her life... but now she's suffering from pancreatic cancer which doesn't show the symptoms until the last stage, plus complication with diabetes... so our family pretty have accepted that she probably doesn't have so much time left... but what can we do, that's how life goes... just wish it wasn't so painful for her...
it's funny because i spent lots of time with my grandma when i lived in korea but we never really got along... since i was living in a different city from my hometown to attend arts schools from when i was 12, and she was my guardian... and as you know when you are a teenager, you rebel against anybody, especially your family... so i'm sure i wasn't all that nice to her... but in korean sentiment, there's something called "jeong" which can be loosely translated into growing fond of someone... and there are two types of "jeong"; one from only good memories you had with someone and the other from bad ones... and definitely my grandma and i grew fond of each other through many unpleasant memories... then now i'm older and more capable of thinking of other person's feeling as well, all i feel toward to my grandma is love and warm feelings...
so far she hasn't spoke a word in front of me... but once in a while she stares right at me and i think she's looking at me... and i'm sure she has a lot to say to me, probably most of them complains, especially for not having been back for such a long time... the last thing i heard from her was when i spoke to her on the phone on december 30th and she said she missed me... and i told her i did... at the moment, i am just glad at least i was able to hear her saying that and also i was able to tell her the same... and that's enough for now...

3 places in new york i boycott for solely personal reasons... along with general usage of plastic bags...

2006-12-29T14:15:00.000-05:00

just got back from this cafe called lotus on clinton and stanton... and i have a feeling that i won't be going back there possibly ever in my life...
well, if you know me personally, you'd know i do have quick temper... not all the time and i have to admit i've mellowed out quite a bit in recent years but still i do get pissed easily... i do get over quickly too... so over last 6 and a half years i've been living in new york, i've had my shares of run-in's in different places... and i know that sometimes i'm being over sensitive in a way but then, so what... so the following three places that i boycott including lotus from today and the reasons why... then maybe you can tell me if i'm being over sensitive... and i'm sure there are some other places i'm leaving out...

1. galapagos in williamsburg
yes, i know some of you know love that place... and that artificial pool is nice indeed... looked great in coffee and cigarettes... still...
it was probably 5 years ago or so... i was scheduled to play in this feminist art crap thing with two other female musician... it was sometime in winter and was snowing... and it's no fun to walk around in snow with my cello, believe me... anyway the gig was supposed to start at 8 and i got there around 7, i believe... well, when i got there, i was told that galapagos had double booked that night and the even i was in was postponed until 11 or so... well, i was annoyed and cold... but since going back to manhattan then coming back would have been too much of schlep so decided to stick around... so finally started playing around midnight and i knew that what we were doing was too out for them... it was a some kind of variety show of pretentious artsy shit but what could i do, other than playing my cello the way i do... so after about playing 15 minutes, this guy robert who fucking owns galapagos walked up on the stage while music was going on, not even in between tunes, not joking, and told me "this is your last song"... what the fuck... i told him to fuck off... i knew that he was worried that our music was driving drinking crowd away... and he had nerve to come up to the stage while we were playing...? since then i've never been near that fucking place... not putting down the shows/musicians/artists involved with galapagos by any means but i do hate that owner with passion...!!!

2. david's bagel on 1st avenue right below east 14th street...
i used to go there quite a bit since their bagels are pretty damn good... it's owned by thai people...? but trust me, their bagels are great... i think at least once a week for 3-4 years i went to that place for quick lunch... however, think it was sometime last year i went to get a bagel there, it happened... a little bit before that i noticed that there was this one new girl who was not that friendly... and you know, that's ok with me because i'm not always the most friendly person either... anyway she was always a bit grumpy and loud... well, that day, when i was paying for the bagel, she was in front of cash register... bad idea... well, she told me something like $2.18, let's say, and i handed her exact change... then she screamed "$2.80!!!" at my face... i was so shocked that she was yelling at me so loud, began to look for more changes... then i realized that she shouldn't have been yelling at me like that... it could have been her accent and it could have been my hearing but why was she yelling at me...? so i told her that she didn't have to be so rude to a customer... but her response was like "i don't know what you are talking about..." i wasn't expecting her to smile at me just because because i was a customer but at least have some etiquette... so since then i never went back there... although i do miss their bagels but i cannot risk of being yelled at again... thank god they opened another branch on the 1st avenue and 22nd street... it's kind of out of my way but if that's the only way to have their bagel, why not...

3. lotus cafe on clinton and stanton...
ok, this incident i had about 45 minutes ago is the reason why i'm writing this blog... kind of stupid, i admit... but they pissed me off... i go there quite often in the morning to get a cup of tea and bagel... it's very close to my house and they are usually very nice... and they even have free wifi which is a bonus...
then today i was sitting on a larger table where electricity outlets are next to... however when i sat down they were all taken and i had to wait for someone to leave... so this woman sitting in front of me finally left and i was able to hook up my computer to power... as soon as i did that, some guy came up to me and asked me if i could move somewhere since there will be group of 5 people coming in... and i told him sorry but i had to use the power outlet... and on top of that there were other tables on the other side of the room too... then a minute later this manager guy came to me and said that i HAD to move from the table since they cannot LET me use the entire table by myself... if this guy asked me nicely, that's one thing but TELLING me that i HAD to move...?!?! i do believe that no one should do anything if they don't want to... and i never agreed on any term when i went to the cafe... and how about the fact i was there before and i do go there quite a bit... i was shocked that this guy didn't think that was out of his line ordering me like that...! so i'm never going back to that joint...

ah, it might be just me making my life harder than necessary but then that's how i deal with things... seriously, am i being just too sensitive...? well, if you say yes, it's still not going to change anything... sorry...

letters from iwo jima...

2006-12-28T00:49:00.000-05:00

when i learned that clint eastwood was making a japanese version of "flags of our fathers", i was very skeptical... although it was a very good movie but since i knew that clint eastwood was able to make such a soppy cliché-ridden movie like "mystic river"... can i just tell you that i absolutely HATE that movie with passion...
however while watching "letters from iwo jima" last night at landmark sunshine cinema, one of the best theaters in new york, i was so sucked into the movie and the characters and their emotions, i almost forgot that i was actually watching a movie... it felt so real and intimate... all the characters, i mean every single characters was so real and felt sincere, it didn't look like they were acting by any means but just being themselves... then even though the movie was written by japanese-american iris yamashita (her first screen play!) in english, then translated into japanese, the dialogue seemed so authentic and true to the culture... not to claim to know so much about japanese culture but as korean, there are definitely many similarities... also even though paul haggis who wrote "crash", another movie i couldn't stand, co-wrote the story, the movie didn't have so many clichés... it really showed japanese soldiers in a dignified and respectful but not glamorized way... without resorting back to the stereotype of what japanese people, especially male, are supposed to be like... you know, "oh, they don't show any emotions" or "they were all ready to kill themselves for the country"... and also showed how horrifying the wars are... when you see the bombs dropping from the sky in the movie among many other things, just remember that's what many people still have to deal with everyday...
what i appreciated the most about this movie is that it really showed that we all are the same when you strip down the color, nationality and ideology... we all have the same feelings, needs and will to live... nobody chose to be born into a certain country... it's only after we are born, we get conditioned and brain washed and forced to fit into the society to function as a part of bigger machine... and how did they do it...? using fear and stereo types and hatred... and unfortunately back in the time, it was probably ever harder to get away from that mentality and think for oneself... it's so difficult even now when we have so many resources...
a must see for everyone... and please do watch it on a big screen... even the music didn't bother me that much this time...

ah, yah...

2006-12-13T12:11:00.000-05:00

woo... it's raining... it's really scary how warm it has been though... should be colder... poor polar bears...
so did that still life with commentator 5-day-run at BAM and it was great... lots of work and time went into it but it sure was worth it... also working with great people who believe in what they do and do the best is so inspiring... felt so lucky to be a part of it... and opened my eyes and ears in many things... wish we could do it again in new york sometime...
while we were rehearsing, went to this mexican place nearby BAM called pequeña quite a bit... think it's on south portland avenue between lafayette and fulton... pretty much everything i had was great... it's rather tiny so it fills up fast... also there's this new burger place on lafayette called 67 burger which had pretty good menu... think 4 different types of veggie burgers... and curly fries were fabulous... it's on lafayette and fulton...
watched "lucky # slevin" and liked it a lot... it's worth watching only to see ben kingsley and morgan freeman sharing a scene together... they are brilliant... so were bruce willis and josh hartnett... very smart, well written script and refreshing editing... also really liked the set design... all those patterns on all the interiors...
haven't gone to see any movies for an obvious reason...
what else...
oh, went to 2 exhibits at the met and they were amazing... one was tiffany exhibit and was jaw dropping gorgeous... so amazing how this guy was able to create something out of glasses... unbelievable details and textures and colors... he sure was in total command of his materials... then "glitter and doom: german portraits from 1920's" was sensational... since i've been to modern museum in stuttgart, i became a fan of otto dix for his gritty, grotesque yet expressive portrayal and this show was full of many paintings like that... also they all had very political messages as well... was very impressed with george grosz and christian schad... somehow that period didn't seem so different from what we have right now though... these people all saw the rise of capitalism and greed as one of the main reasons behind all the wars and conflicts... hasn't changed so much, i hate to say... definitely going back to look at them again...
so much i'd like to do before the year ends... ah... only 18 days left... yikes...

ok, people...

2006-11-26T14:36:00.000-05:00

well, not too long after melvin gibson's anti-semite remarks and heartfelt apology, kramer managed to hold the spotlight with yet another racial outburst... if you've seen his rant on youtube or some other places, you will all agree that it was not just him making senseless remarks but he was angry... he was burning in hatred... then he came on the letterman show with "help" of his friend seinfeld whose million dollar franchise was at stake, he apologized and muttered that "i'm not a racist"...
wait a minute, if you are really not a racist, how could you say all that stuff with so much hatred and intensity to begin with...? why can mel gibson and michael richards just all admit that they are racists and need to work on it damn hard... we are all product of conditioning through culture and government up to a certain point, sad to admit... and we are all taught to detect the "otherness" of others... but as a human being with conscience, we try to look beyond that difference and understand that we are all the same... and just because you don't go around say politically incorrect things about "other" people, it doesn't mean you are not a racist... if racism was such a easy thing to escape from by saying "i'm not a racist", we wouldn't be having so many problems we are having right now...

quick(?) notes on the movies i've seen lately...

2006-11-24T23:29:00.001-05:00

casino royale
wow... what a great action movie with a good story line... and daniel craig fucking rocks... he definitely made the bond a real person with depth, not just an icon filled with mannerism and clichés... and thought eva green was so beautiful and charismatic... and the action scenes were more believable than other bond movies i've seen... have to confess i never liked sean connery's bond since he plays it so light and cool... although i do know that's how he made bond into this cultural figure... but the ones he played bond, i really couldn't care if he made it alive at the end or get to the villain... because you knew automatically there's no way bond can be harmed... well, guess that was somewhat true for this new bond but still i found myself caring if he would get hurt or not... and it did show him with scratches and wounds and pain...
a couple of things i wasn't crazy for were the main theme song and the opening credit... even though those old ones were filled with sexual images of naked girls, but they were awesome... this one is rather cute... still i cannot wait to see the next bond movie with daniel craig...

borat: cultural leanings of america for make benefit glorious nation of kazakhstan
can i just tell you, that movie is amazing... there is a scene that i know it can never be topped ever... if you've seen it, you know which scene i'm talking about... sacha baron cohen is genius... he really pushes it all the way... think i might have to see it again since there are so many jokes and lines i might have missed... it's pretty amazing there are so many people who are offended by this movie... and people suing the production company for misleading them... it's so obvious those people cannot face the truth about themselves...

volver
since i love almadovar, i knew that i wouldn't be disappointed by this new movie of his... and it was pretty good... it wasn't talk to her but still had so much emotional depth and warmth in the movie which was enough to be touching... the movie was all about bond and love between women which we don't get to see too often... thought penelope cruz was astonishing... and the music by alberto iglesias was so beautiful... oh, the opening credit is amazing too...

crash
well, i have to say i had many problems with this movie... not a bad movie but not as deep as other people made it to be... winning oscar for the best picture...? give me a break... not that oscar is to be taken serious but still... it was very shallow, safe and pretentious... total hollywood approach, heavily depending on the stereotypes of racism other than digging deeper into it and try to examine the reason behind... borat did it 1000 times better at putting a mirror in front of people exposing the real faces... and please, if you are making a movie about a racism, at least cast real korean people for the korean roles... oh, the ending with soppy pop songs back to back... wow...

the rules of the game
it was one of those rare movies that i was laughing throughout then felt so sad as soon as the movie ended... couldn't believe it was made in 1939... no wonder it was banned/destoyed by french and the nazis... way too ahead of its time like so many masterpieces... it showed how all those people were so locked in their roles and rules without being able to find out what they really were and wanted... and that hunting scene was truly chilling to the bone... definitely need to see it again... absolutely a work of genius...

the strange love of martha ivers
kirk douglas's debut... what a strange yet great movie... it also showed people trapped in their roles/desire/past not knowing what they really wanted... barbara stanwyck is fabulous as hot and cold martha ivers... was interesting to see van heflin as a young man though... i think i'd only seen him in western movies as older man... quite good looking here... and lizabeth scott looking so much like lauren bacall...

there are a few more but think this is more than enough for now...

ah, yes...

2006-11-12T10:10:00.000-05:00

since the democrats won the election, i've been sensing something different in the air... like new kind of hope, positive energy and bumbling excitement... that people still have power to change things... although it took somewhat long time going downhill but when it reached certain point, people said "no more of this bull shit... things need to change"... that is truly inspiring... i do know that things will not change overnight just because the democrats is taking over but at least i can hope it'll be better than what has been going on for last 6 years... it has to be, how can it get worse than that to begin with...?
here's an article i personally found very heartening...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6133190.stm

out of all these places, south dakota... yes...
for that reason i feel more inspired to make music and enjoy life... keep getting ideas and finding new things to be excited about...
cannot stop feeling year 2007 will be fucking amazing...

weird flu, in her shoes, pinkberry... don't forget to vote...!

2006-11-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

had this weird 24-hour-long flu thing last saturday... i was feeling just normal then all of sudden got this chill on my spine that crept up... then i passed out pretty much and slept for 14 hours, sweating like a pig... weird... then i was weak for a couple of days and i'm fine now... be careful...
so today is the election day...! please go and vote for the right ones if you are eligible to vote, not like me... i really hope this one will be different... ah... can you believe how republicans+bush are trying to manipulate people with all this saddam stuff...? think people should know it by now...
i watched "in her shoes" right before i passed out last saturday... i've been meaning to watch it since it's directed by curtis hanson, one of a few directors who's been consistently good over the years... "wonder boys", "LA confidential" and even "8 miles"... and this one was great too... thought all the actors were pretty great... and there were many lines that really got me too... especially what toni collette says to her friend when she's crying in her bed... then simon's character... wow, he was like the most ideal guy you'll ever meet... maybe except being a sports fan but other than that, he was honest, funny, sweet, sincere, manly enough, direct, into food and respectful... how come there aren't enough of them around...?!?!
oh, also a friend of mine took me to this frozen yogurt place in korean town and was amazing... too bad i was too full to eat much... the place is called pinkberry and it's on 7 west 32nd street between 5th and 6th avenue, closer to 5th... their frozen yogurt is tart and tangy, not full of nutrasweet like tasti-d-lite or other frozen yogurt you'd get... comes in two flavors, regular and green tea... then you get to choose toppings from fresh real, i mean real, fruits, cereals, cookies and all the goodies... it's not cheap though... the small regular starts at $2.99 while green tea costs $3.49(?), then each topping is $.95... but it is worth all the money in my opinion... also they have shaved ice... oh, did i mention it's fat free...? oh, my god, i sound like one of those horrible ads...

flags of our fathers, napoleon dynamite and the king...

2006-11-01T17:21:00.000-05:00

went to see "flags of our fathers"... well, originally i wanted to see "marie antoinette" but then thought maybe "flags..." is the kind of movie i should see on a big screen... although i don't think clint eastwood's movies are always good but since "million dollar baby" was pretty damn touching...
have to say it was a pretty great antiwar movie... like how "saving private ryan" made you almost "experience" how awful it must be in a battle field by nauseating camera shots, realistic sounds and jumpy edits... this movie definitely made me think that nobody have any right to ask these people to die like that... nothing can be that worthwhile... most of them were drafted and was sent off to fight for their countries and ideologies but to kill and be killed like that...? and cannot believe it doesn't seem to have changed all that much since world war II and vietnam war and so on...
have to say how the movie kept going back and forth between the past and present got a bit tired but still all the performance were pretty great... and the look of the movie was pretty amazing... and all that black sand blasting everywhere against very pale palette of the iwo jima... and was great to see how the movie was able to recreate most of the scenes from the real pictures they show as the end credit rolls on... oh, the music done by clint eastwood was pretty lame... his typical doodling on piano... oh, well... think it worked pretty well on "million dollar baby" because it was more intimate and smaller scale movie but on this one, it did feel pretty lean...

maybe i'll go to see "marie antoinette" next week... watched "napoleon dynamite" finally and it was pretty sweet... don't think i can call this the funnies movie ever like so many other people but thought it was pretty hilarious... was amazing to learn that the actor who portrayed uncle rico who always eats steaks is actually vegetarian... and jon heder who plays the main character got paid only $1000... it's definitely one of those movies made with lots of pure love and enthusiasm... hope the success of the movie didn't spoil the director... he went on to make "nacho libre" which didn't do that well...
then watched "the king" with gael garcia bernal... pretty fucked up story... it's a pretty good anti-christianity movie... music was pretty good and pell james, the actress who played the main female character was good... of course, gael too... cannot wait to see "babel"...

the prestige...

2006-10-24T01:03:00.000-04:00

go and see it... just absolutely fucking brilliant...!!! christopher nolan doesn't disappoint... what a great story and script... told in his typical mind bending ways but at the end everything gets explained... so much fun... have no idea why it got such mixed reviews but i loved every minute of it... christian bale and hugh jackman both are amazing as driven ego-centered magician rivals... and no matter what you think of scarlett johansson, she's fantastic as olivia, young, sweet, vulnerable but clear minded woman trapped between two men... oh, michael cane, wow... how does he do it after all these years... he's fantastic as always... wow... oh, don't forget david bowie as tesla... brilliant, i'm telling you... it's going to pick your brain and imagination...

california split...

2006-10-17T13:59:00.000-04:00

since i just discovered early altman films like "the long goodbye", i was very excited to see that film forum was showing his "california split" with elliott gould and george seagal... last night sitting on my favorite seat, without any obstructed view except a little bit by this guy's baseball cap in the right corner, i was able to immerse myself into the world of reality ca. 1974 LA according to altman... and what a touching experience it was... from the beginning i couldn't help myself getting attached to the characters emotionally... really felt like i was in the same physical space with these guys and watching them and be a part of their interaction... feeling their shared joy, passion and frustration toward to gambling... i don't want to give away the ending but i found it rather heartbreaking...
we live in a world that we literally begin as strangers... even with your family... then for some odd reasons or no real reasons, we end up becoming friends or even more with certain people... then up to certain point we open up, share our lives, develop certain kind of expectations, relationships and even love... then also the time comes that you realize that the other person is not in the same place as you are or, even worse (?), there's no more place for the relationship to go to... then... most of people say goodbye... sometimes it can be mutual and sometimes it can be plain hurtful... or sometimes you decide not to say goodbye and hold on to it... or sometimes you don't even say goodbye and let things fade... and you move on...
now i'm old enough to call myself an adult (ha!), i can accept that there is such a thing as dealing with emotional attachments in a "grown-up" way... but still it's hard not to feel sad and curled up inside doing it... why can it all work out...?
sometimes i just feel like i don't know anything anymore... eh...

did you know...

2006-10-16T12:40:00.000-04:00

that you can refill your metro cards in new york...? think not that many people actually know that... one little thing we could do to help our environment...

ah, north korea...

2006-10-15T12:05:00.001-04:00

around the time when i started elementary school, north korea's plan to invade south by digging numerous underground tunnels was discovered... then south korean government produced this educational and anti-north korea propaganda animation that became a big hit... the main character was a little boy from south with some sort of supernatural power who saved people from north korea under the military dictatorship... funny considering the fact south korea was also under military dictatorship just disguised as democratic one... anyway one thing that made the biggest impression on me was that at the end the animation, the north korean army officers and the leader turned out to be rats and pigs disguised themselves as humans under some evil spell... so you could imagine what kind of message south korean government was trying to send out to young children then... however things have improved, especially within last 10 years or so, and it seems like south korean public began to realize that north korean are humans just like us...
so i do understand it's easier to dismiss north korea as a bunch of lunatics for the rest of the world... especially in these days when a single life doesn't matter all that much, especially to people in power, if it's related to their political, economical agenda... like 655,500 killed iraqi people after the us invasion... it happened because they just ignore the fact that there are millions of people who live in these countries like iraq and north korea had nothing to do with their governments' policies... none of us got to choose where to be born...
well, so when i ran across these pictures, i was glad that it showed that there are actual people living in north korea too... who probably have been suffering all their lives and many of them doesn't even know that they have... what will happen to these children...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/6052344.stm

call me naïve, if you will... but hope one day it'll be a different world somehow... and every single human life has the same weight and importance...

i don't know why...

2006-10-11T02:34:00.000-04:00

but i've been feeling like i'm missing something... and it's been that way pretty much all my life... the problem is that i cannot figure out what exactly... i don't even know if it's something i had to begin with or something i've never had... then if i've never had it, how can i miss it, right...? but somehow i don't think i've ever really "had" it with me...
a friend from korea brought me a copy of this cd i used to listen to a lot when i was about 12... then when i listened to the songs last week for the first time in years, i began to feel what i was like and how i felt back then... then i remembered having the same feeling pretty much... missing something... longing for something... funny, songs can do that to you... especially the ones with words you can relate to... they send you right back when and where you heard it for the first time or for the hundreds times... and sum up how you feel somehow perfectly and completely... and now these songs made me realize that deep down i'm still the same person almost 20 years ago...
and i still cannot figure out "what" i'm missing exactly... so i'm still wandering the streets just like 20 years ago trying to find it... will i ever find it...?

the illusionist... and some other "issues"...

2006-10-06T02:21:00.001-04:00

just watched "the illusionist" tonight... thought it was quite nice, smart and well made movie... didn't love it but liked it quite a bit... thought rufus sewell, the guy from one of my favorite movie "dark city", was excellent as an ego maniac, ambitious and vicious crown prince... and was surprised, don't know what i was really expecting, at jessica biel for being rather good and a great screen presence... guess i'd never seen her other than in magazines so kinda had low expectation of her... sorry, i can be judgmental... i know...
however i was a bit thrown off by how the characters were talking... i guess this happens quite a lot in the movies when its setting is in a foreign, non-english speaking country, the characters are all speaking in some sort of "accent"... to be authentic...? but then unless everybody is doing a grand job with the accent, it has danger of looking a bit silly and hard to ignore... well, in this movie, i guess they were all trying to speak in austrian accent and somehow i had hard time believing... paul giamatti's accent was great... but surprisingly edward norton's accent was hard to buy... usually i think he's fabulous but i couldn't stop thinking this was not the best performance of his... oh, well... oh, couldn't stand the music... yep, done by philip glass... was surely better than "the hours" but still...
however there a couple more "issues" while i was watching... not with the movies... a. there was, then were, believe it or not, fly (flies in the seconds half) trapped somewhere between film's projector and kept distracting... yes, it was absurd... then b. of course i got to sit behind a moron who kept talking throughout the movie... i had to tell him to be quiet because it became so unbearable which he didn't respond well... then c. there was this guy sitting behind me who couldn't stop clearing his throat throughout the movie as well... so in other word, i was very distracted... argh...
see, i'm a control freak in many things and especially about going to see movies... have no problem admitting that... i absolutely have to sit at the middle and that's why i cannot stand angelika because their thearters have aisle in the middle... maybe not all of them but at least the one i always end up in... well, on top of that rumbling subway noise and screes being a bit too high and giving you neckache after a while...
then i hate people eating pop corn and stuff during the movie... so you can guess only how much i hate someone talking with passion... i know that's it's a public space and other people are there to enjoy the movie and i cannot expect people to behave how i want them to... but then how about some respect to other people...? once i was sitting not too far away from this couple that wouldn't stop making out and talking so loud, i had to say something... then the guy's response was like, "what, i cannot hear you"... what a jerk...
then i usually, 99.5% of the time, not tonight though, i sit through the end credit... which could drive some people crazy...
well, i guess that explains why i like going to the movies by myself most of the time...
oh, went to see "the science of sleep" again last night... was so damn good... ah...
yeah, me, control freak... oh, well...

i know, i'm pretty lame...

2006-10-02T13:00:00.000-04:00

believe it or not, i grew up mainly listening to korean pop songs... first, korean pop music used to be WAY better back then... secondly, it was a way of rebelling against my classical training... it wasn't until after i moved to boston when i heard what people meant by real "jazz", not like the "smooth jazz" i heard when i was in high school... and it wasn't until way way later i heard "experimental" music... guess i'm kind of a late bloomer(?)... and even now my knowledge in music is very limited... kind of getting sick of saying "i don't know" when friends mention names of bands or musicians or songs... but, oh, well... i cannot pretend to know something when i have no idea... but it's getting to annoy me a bit... seriously, i don't even know anything by rolling stones or the smiths or even radiohead... absurd, isn't it... then my next problem is that i have no clue where to begin... there are so many bands and so much music out there... once in a while, some friends will mention some names and i try to check them out... but still i usually get overwhelmed by it fast... i know, i'm pretty lame... ah...

the private life of sherlock holmes...

2006-10-01T18:32:00.000-04:00

as i've mentioned many times already i'm reading a bio of billy wilder... gee, i'm almost done finally...
anyway... ed sikov, the arthur of the book mentions 2 movies being billy wilder's most personal films... the first one is "ace in the hole" with kirk douglas which i probably wrote about it already... it was a disaster at the box office and was forgotten for a long time until recently... and of course now it found its well deserved recognition from the critics and the audience...
and the other one is "the private life of sherlock holmes"...
it took billy wilder more than a decade of planning and rewriting... and as many of you would agree, sherlock holmes is one of the most known, fascinating and beloved literal characters of the last century... according to wikipedia, sherlock holmes series have sold the second largest number of copies only behind bible... however billy wilder had his own vision that holmes was a drug addict and a homosexual... some of you might think this depiction is rather perverse but if you think about it, it's rather closer to how sir arthur conan doyle portrayed the hero... although when i read the stories as a kid in korea, there was no mention of heavy drug usage except that he used it to disguise himself as a dying man... but i'm sure other mentions were censored off...
after shooting the movie for about 10 months, spending 10 million dollars and almost driving richard stephens who played holmes into committing suicide with his demanding way, billy wilder came up with almost 3-hour long version of the movie... then the production company decided that the movie was too long, too dark and too risky... the whole thing was cut down to a little more than 2 hours... it literally broke billy wilder's heart...
the result is still a great movie... still filled with fantastic story telling and many tender emotional moment that portrays holmes as a warm hearted man behind that sharp and even harsh exterior... someone who's afraid to be hurt... a human...
if you haven't seen it and a fan of sherlock holmes, you'd appreciate it... and the violin melody composed by miklós rózsa is so delicate and beautiful... a perfect choice...
...
we often witness that many of great artists' visions in the past didn't get the recognition until way later in time... just look at van gogh... he was so tormented by how the rest of the world was not able to appreciate his art and ended up killing himself... but now his art works are considered to be one of the greatest ever... we all know that many of these geniuses are way ahead of the time and it sometimes takes more that the artist's lifetime... but now we live in such a time that we need instant gratification in almost everything we do, sometimes it feels really hard to continue creating without getting discouraged or distracted by it... not to compare myself to great artists but just as someone who's trying to focus on what i really believe in... i keep telling myself not to lose the bigger picture in life but as many of you already know, it can get difficult... ah... guess why it's good for me to read billy wilder's bio... and realize that not everything he did was loved or rewarded... both of his most personal movies were literally trashed... ah...
...
well, it might have taken people to appreciate but "the private life of sherlock holmes" is a great, tender, emotional movie that will hold up in years to come...

duh, are we shocked...?

2006-09-26T10:56:00.000-04:00

check out this new york times article today...

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/24/world/middleeast/24terror.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5087%0A&en=a2ca3fabce5ec328&ex=1159416000

gee, it took them this long to figure this out...? how about using... what's it called...? common sense...!!!
fuck war on terrorism...

the science of sleep...

2006-09-26T00:51:00.000-04:00

go and see it...
one of the most magical, imaginative, beautiful, fascinating, touching, funny, brilliant, even real(!) and romantic movies i've ever seen and ever will...
michel gondry is absolutely a genius... and the movies still can have magic thanks to someone like him...
loved everything about it... gael garcía bernal and charlotte gainsbourg are just fantastic... along with alain chabat who plays guy... gorgeous music and sets... ah, just everything about this movie is breathtakingly imaginative...
too bad angelika is such a crappy theater to see it... still think i'm going back to watch it again... ah...

cafe de la esquina...

2006-09-24T23:08:00.000-04:00

with my friend valerie, we ran into this fabulous mexican restaurant on lafayette between kenmare and broom... we were originally heading for some other restaurant but this restaurant looked so appealing, we couldn't resist...
the place is rather small but has a high ceiling and huge windows that helps the space look airy and pleasant... we got lucky with table and had to wait only for a couple of minutes... but people who came in after us ended up waiting for quite a bit...
we started off with de la casa salad which had excellent balsamic vinegar dressing with crunch corn tortilla chips (tasted baked)... then we shared fish taco and pork taco with pineapple which were full of vibrant taste and freshness... then had this great flan like dessert with cafe con leche and tea... yum... and the price was really reasonable... the whole thing came out to about $40. which was worth every penny... i'm going back...

judgment at nuremberg...

2006-09-23T11:41:00.000-04:00

sounds cheesy but this movie "judgment at nuremberg" has the real all-superstar casting... starring spencer tracy, burt lancaster, maximillian schell, richard widmark, marlene dietrich, judy garland and montgomery clift... directed by stanley kramer and shot by ernest laszlo... as you might be able to guess from the title, this movie is about the trial of nazi judges at nuremberg that took place two years after the second world war was over...
sounds heavy, right...? and yes, the movie is damn heavy... not only because of the subject matter and the length (a bit longer than 3 hours) but also how these characters all interact and clash with each other... it's a real human drama asking a simple yet hard question about human nature and the meaning of justice...
ok, let's start with the simple things... all the actors in the movie are just brilliant... spencer tracy, who i sometimes find too intense(!), portrays the american judge, who has to call the tough decision after trying to see things through basic morality as a human being, with such calm yet strong conviction... burt lancaster with very limited lines plays the nazi judge who thought he stayed with nazi regime in order to carry out his belief and save people yet begins to realized that he failed, with such a fiery and solemn dignity... richard widmark plays the prosecutor with pure idealism but faces the reality of the other "practical" reasons why america and other allies went into the war... maximillian schell plays the german defense attorney who wants to put not only the germans but all the rest under the trial... marlene dietrich's german widow of a high ranking officer who claims that most of germans didn't know and were not all monsters like nazis and hitler... judy garland, oh, judy, gets the most emotional part in the movie... a german girl who didn't give up on her basic morality and ended up suffering... and montgomery clift played another german victim who was sterilized because his father was communist with such a heartbreaking emotional weight...
all these characters are so strong and real presentation of what it probably was like... and the screenplay is just so superb in bringing out the essence of all the different point of views and characters and made them all so appealing...
and the footage of concentration camps were so powerful and provoking and leaving you with the ultimate question...
how could they let this happen...?
if you have seen "downfall" which was one of the best movies came out last year, you would understand, at least have an idea of the mentality that was hovering in germany after the death of hitler and revelation of the holocaust and all... many of them declared that they just didn't know how horrific it was and they wouldn't have gone along if only they knew... like marlene dietrich's character in this movie or like the young secretary in "downfall"... after all they are humans just like all of us... it was hitler and only those horrible nazis who were in power...
however does it really justify the actions that the german people did not take...?
...
many of us might be saying the same thing about what's happening all over the world right now... it's not only the questions to germans or japanese after the world war II... the same things is happening right now... so many things we decide to look away so we can tell ourselves that we just didn't know how bad it was...
maybe it's time to ask ourselves some questions... and take little steps on our own other than waiting for someone else to do it for us...

fight club, the wizard of oz, born yesterday and a couple more...

2006-09-18T19:24:00.000-04:00

so finally i got a nerve to watch "fight club" 7(!) years after it came out... i usually don't do that well with violent movies and that's why i was avoiding this movie... then i was just too curious and had to get over that fear...
and it was fucking great...!!!
yes, certain scenes made me feel ill and sick to the stomach and leaving me that bloody taste in my mouth but thought the movie was brilliant...! edward norton is such a great actor who can transform himself completely into the character... still remember the first time when i watched "primal fear" which was his first movie role and he killed it... also in "25th hour"... and brad pitt is dazzling... i know many people consider him as a sex symbol and nothing more but to me he's a pretty actor... guess i never really liked well built blond guy... let me think... nope, not my type... but whenever i saw him in the movies like in "se7en" and "twelve monkeys" i thought he was rather good... guess those are all brad pitt movies i've seen... oh, wait, just saw "ocean's eleven" and he was pretty cool too...
then believe it or not, i hadn't seen "the wizard of oz" until this tuesday... yes, hard to believe but true... so when i saw that this movie was showing at ziegfeld theater, i had to go... don't know if you've been to that theater or not, but that place is magical... so beautiful... imagining what it must have been like back in the days watching movies in such a beautiful place... got so excited... then as soon as judy garland appeared on the screen, i started to feel sentimental... and then she did it... sang "over the rainbow"... and boy, that alone was worth everything... her voice is just so powerfully rich in emotions, that makes your heart ache on a single note... have to say i didn't love the movie... sorry but true... thought the characters were great, especially the tin man... but i felt the whole thing was way too short... funny because i know that they cut out at least 20 minutes from the original... have to admit that the lion was getting on my nerve...
then i watched "born yesterday:" with judy holiday and william holden... wanted to see it on a big screen about a month ago when they were showing it at walter reade but missed the chance... judy holiday is great playing a dumb blond with bigger brain that she thinks... and when she's singing along the record, she's hilarious...! have to say william holden's character was a bit muted but still... wondering why it had "mature +18" sticker on the case...
oh, also watched "me and you and everybody we know" which was cute but maybe trying to be too smart and quirky for me... some of the lines are great... and the same for "garden state"... although natalie portman IS great... and something about zach braff bothers me... don't know why... maybe it's his lips...?
now want to watch "the apartment" again... feeling sentimental... it's the cold weather perhaps...

the long goodbye...

2006-09-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

you have no idea how glad i am that it's raining out...
so finally got to watch the movie adaptation of "the long goodbye"... i guess i had been somewhat avoiding it since the book by raymond chandler was such a huge influence on me... so after reading that book at least 5 times (the first time was in korean when i was 16 and didn't understand all that much) i had developed some kind of my own visual interpretation of the book and philip marlowe... then when i did see humphrey bogart in "the big sleep" or dick powell in "murder, my sweet" as marlowe, i was bitterly disappointed in how thin and superficial they were... they were plainly playing a touch guy marlowe who wouldn't take shit from people and go around punch people... but marlowe is more than that, at least to me... he's a touch guy, yes, who doesn't take shit from anybody, especially from the corrupt rich high-powered people and bad cops... he's content... he's a loner but doesn't try to reach out to make friends... but when he does, he will do anything for them... and even with the murderers he's chasing, he has sympathy for them... he's not cold blooded like many other typical film noir heroes... also he believes in being fair, tender and even in love... that's what makes him so damn unique and heart wrenching... my ideal kind of hero...
but after a friend of mine convinced me that the movie had changed his view on movies, i decided to give it a try...

so... did elliott gould's marlowe make my cut...?

first of all i was so glad that this adaptation of "the long goodbye", written by leigh brackett and directed by robert altman, was not a true-to-every-single-word adaptation but rather a loose one... the basic premise stays somewhat the same... at least at the beginning... and have to say elliott gould's marlowe was charming as hell from the get-go... not in a cute way but the way he carried himself had a lot more affection than any other marlowe's i'd seen in other movies... he wasn't trying to be cool but rather a wise guy and funny... i liked that... then also i loved how they adapted the book into the '70s and made it look so natural... throughout the movie, i kept saying to myself that this movie is was only possible to be made in the '70s... with enough bitter sarcasm, twisted humor and yet a hint of bizarre optimism... or rather taking things for what they are and moving on... hope i'm making some sense out of it... and elliott gould's voice was great... low growling, a bit husky...
oh, and i was more than relieved that they didn't include the love plot of the book... see, the love story that occurs in the book means so much to me, i was glad that i got to keep it within my imagination... in the book, it just breaks my heart... just even thinking of it makes me go crazy...
yes, i loved the movie... probably because it's a damn good movie and stands on its own... maybe the music could have been a bit better... they were doing "laura" approach to the music... using only one song over and over in all kinds of styles in foreground, background... wonder if they sold many copies of the music... oh, "laura" was the first movie to do so... david raksin wrote this gorgeous song for the movie (another one to check out if you are a film noir and otto preminger fan) and the song became a huge hit, selling lots of copies...
oh, sterling hayden plays a great character in the movie... at first i was confused because his character in the book wasn't so significant... but they gave him a very juicy part and he rocked... he was great in "the asphalt jungle"... another great movie by john houston definitely worth checking out...
but if you haven't read any of raymond chandler's book, please do... especially you are hopelessly romantic like me... yes, i am one, believe it or not... fine...
think i'm going to stay home and read the long goodbye again...

guilty pleasure...

2006-09-07T17:37:00.000-04:00

hmm...
mine is ice cream cone from mcdonalds...
ah, yes, i admit it... the only, i swear, reason why i'll step into mcdonalds hoping nobody will catch me... don't know why but i like it better because somehow it tastes like it has less cream....? i don't do sundae or flurry by the way... just plain old cone...
what's your guilty pleasure... c'mon... your secret is safe with me...

funny...

2006-09-07T17:36:00.000-04:00

but i feel better today... nothing has changed though... but i feel better...
wish could watch a movie or two today... but can't... the last thing i watched was "sunset boulevard" like for the 6th time... what a great movie... william holden and gloria swanson are perfect... dark, twisted, funny, brutal look at good old hollywood... gotta finish this billy wilder bio... been reading it on and off since june, damn it... amazing how he was able to embrace american english language fully and produced so many brilliant screen plays considering he didn't really speak any when he came to the states...!
uh, he is the director of "sunset boulevard" in case you didn't know...

what's wrong with me...?

2006-09-04T00:19:00.000-04:00

i don't know why but i cannot help thinking that my cell phone's going to explode while i'm holding it... such a weird paranoia... wonder where that comes from... guess i've been feeling somewhat anxious... but about what...?
think since my schedule slowed down somewhat for august and september, i've been trying to figure out what to do next and stuff... then whenever i try to do something, like setting up a gig, thinking about new projects, i end up feeling so damn not focused, then get anxious, then feel like i'm stuck...
also i cannot help thinking that things seem to go a lot better when i'm not trying to push anything... then that's so passive... argh, i don't know anymore...
one of my mottoes has been to go with the flow... and i've been damn lucky so far by living it... however isn't it about the time for me to take charge in my life...? maybe it's some kind of block i need to get through...
hopefully it'll go away soon and i'll be able to sit down, breathe and focus... need to go away or something...

interesting article on north/south korean language barrier...

2006-08-30T10:26:00.000-04:00

ah... it's damn grey here... well, at first i thought it was refreshing but began to get to me... eh...
i was browsing google news and ran into this article... think it's pretty intriguing and well written... but then i had to laugh because after living outside korea for such a long time, even i have hard time understanding these "new hybrid korean-english words"... oh, you just need to click on the title of this blog to see it...

LA story, the player, alfie (original one), l'eclisse and a tale of two sisters...

2006-08-23T00:13:00.000-04:00

hmm...
since i was 12 i pretty much lived on my own... well, it sounds crazy but true... i left home to go to this art school since i was 12 and although i did stay under some sort of adult supervision(?) throughout but still i was pretty much free to do whatever i wanted to do... sometimes i wonder how come i never got off the "track" of being a decent student throughout... guess i have to thank my parents for giving me so much trust...
when i turned 15 or so i finally got my first vcr... and there was no adult around most of time... until then my grandma would come by and stay overnight but it got less frequent... so with free access to vcr, i started to rent movies... i think most of time i had no idea what was good and bad... just liked watching movies... sometimes i'd watch 4-5 movies a day or a night... sorry, mom...
anyway it was my second year in high school, i think... rented "LA story" just because... and i was so taken by its charm... seriously i don't think i understood all that much, especially when the translation must have been pretty off... but the way this movie described LA was just so sweet and charming... and steve martin was pretty damn funny... and c'mon, traffic sign telling your fortune...? that's pretty cute too... thought victoria tennant wasn't that attractive but what the hell, it was still a cute movie... and steve martin became one of those actors that only i knew along with robert downey jr... i still don't think he's all that big in korea... i ended up watching this movie over and over...
then the following year, after reading all these fancy movie magazines declaring how great director robert altman was, i went to see "the player" in a theater... also it was making some buzz for tim robbins' frontal nudity that had to be covered with one of those pixelated patch... anyway, i was so taken by the whole movie setting... the fact it was about hollywood and how these people were trying to get ahead of other people at any cost... and it probably was the first tim robbins movie i'd seen and i used to have a thing for really tall guys...
so with all that memory and a recently acquired interest in LA (heh heh heh), i decided to watch them again last weekend... and was happy to see that both of them aged really well... especially after having been to LA twice even for briefly, it helped me appreciate little things more... and of course my english is better than when i was 16... "the player" was so much more fun because also i was getting all the references to other movies along with more faces i recognized... and i thought in the scene where tim robbins' character commits murder, his intensity reminded me of orson welles'... although i am NOT putting them in the same level in any other category... to me, orson welles is one of the greatest, period... also i was proud (yes, i'm such a geek) to get the reference to "la dolce vita" in the opening of "LA story" and "touch of evil" long single tracking shot reference in "the player"...
then finally got to watch "alfie" after renting it previously how many times but never got to watch it for some reason... it was so sad...! i wasn't expecting it to be so sad... oh, my, god, michael caine is so good at playing this kind of character... a bit cynical, self-centered, dry humored yet charming... like him in "ipcress file" although he's not as selfish as in "alfie"... and he's damn good looking... think it did capture of the '60s very well though... when people were feeling more isolated by trying to figure out what it meant to be free... don't know if i want to watch the new version with jude law... although at the very end of "alfie", michael caine looked very much like jude law... ah, those good looking chaming brits...
then i thought i should follow up on antonioni since i got so intrigued by "la notte"... which left me with certain emotion that's really hard to describe but i knew that it touched me... and "l'eclisse" didn't let me down... it was toxicating from the very beginning until the end... especially the last 5 minutes of the movie really killed me... made my heart ache by its beauty... wow... and it's really incredible that he was able to pull out the emotions from the characters without any real dialogues... you could just feel from their gazes, hand gestures and camera angles... unbelievable... and monica vitti is so gorgeous... wow... she is one of those actors who knows how to act with their lips...
then on a completely different note i decided to watch "a tale of two sisters", a korean horror flick that i'd heard so much about from some friends... i rarely watch scary movies, seriously... when i went to see "the audition", i was literally under my seat for the last 20 minutes because i just couldn't bare... however this movie captured me from the beginning for it's visual presentation... it was constantly on the edge of being too stylish but somehow managed to stay just enough, if you know what i mean... and the usage of colors was really effective, i thought... still i got so scared after watching the first half, i scanned through the second half of the film, then went back to it and watched it... actually it was the moment i saw this sack soaked in blood, i freaked out because it reminded me of "the audition" too much... however when i finally got the plot, i was really impressed by how well the story was written... it's really clever, suspensful without being too over the top... meanwhile i think it's still interesting how "westernized" the house looked...
so... that was my weekend... now i have "whatever happened to baby jane" waiting to be watched... yikes...

what's my name...?

2006-08-16T09:49:00.000-04:00

well, my name is spelled okkyung lee... it really should be spelled oak-kyoung lee or even oak-kyoung yi to be really authentic... in korean, last name lee is pronounced as yi but people use lee here just because it's the same chinese character... and as you know bruce lee being the most famous person with that last name...
ok, i'm going to admit something i rarely rarely bring up... well, if i do it first then maybe i'll feel less embarrassed...? hmm... then if i never bring it up then nobody will never know... what the hell...?
while preparing to move to boston to go to school, i enrolled at this ESL institute in seoul for about 6 months to work on conversational skills... the very first class i had was taught by this new canadian female teacher who literally had gotten to korea 2 weeks before the class began... so as the students started to introduce themselves to her, it was obvious that she was frustrated with korean names... they were just to foreign to her, i suppose... so after that she suggested that we all pick an english nickname... some picked silly ones like superman or mickey mouse or whatever, and some chose more normal(?) names like johnny or liz... i chose janice... the teacher even asked me weather "-s" or "-ce"... at the end and i chose "-ce"... don't know why but it could be that i had heard that name somewhere but still wasn't that common or at least i thought... so for the next 6 months i was using the name janice... finally after moving to boston with my name spelled as ok kyung lee on my passport, i ran into some problematic situations regarding my the pronunciation... how it was spelled was confusing people... some thought ok was my first name, kyung was my middle name... some didn't know how to say "ok" and said it closer to "ak" with open o sound... most of times "kyung" became "kyoong"... so you can imagine me getting a bit annoyed trying to teach how to say name correctly each time... then when in the very first class of my harmony II course at berklee, the teacher just gave up after not even trying one time to say my name, she declared "i just cannot say this right, do you have a nickname or something?"... so as being a good obliging (yes, there were times like that in my life...) student that time i told her that she could call me "janice"... and it seemed to have solved problems for many many many people for the time being... so it was stuck with it until i finished that damn school... guess at first it had some sort of liberating effect on me too... you know, felt like a different person... i think i was more open and sociable than in high school for example... however when i heard other korean students calling me with my nickname, i felt a bit weirded out... but still it was ok... thought it was better than all chewed up pronunciation of my name...
however when I started to go to new england conservatory for my masters, the situation changed 180 degrees... the teachers absolutely reused to use my nickname... i think from the get-go, they were pretty good at saying my name correctly... then when i even mentioned that they could use my nickname if it was too troublesome, they thought i was out of my mind... so I went back to being ok kyung... but i decided to get rid of that useless space between and made it into okkyung...
even now after living in new york city, the biggest melting pot of the world for 6 years, i still get all different variations of my name... but i guess it bothers me less, well, at least for the most of time, since i am probably not saying everybody else's name correctly... but now i have told you how to say my name... so if you run into me on the street, please don't be afraid to say it out loud... if it's really far off, i'll teach you how to say my name... then you can teach me how to say your name... just please don't make fun of my english nickname from the past...
if you want to know what my name means, that's a whole different story...

faust, les bonne femmes and days of being wild...

2006-08-05T23:16:00.000-04:00

this wednesday at anthology, i got to see "faust" by f.w. murnau... my first murnau... and it was just pure cinematic beauty... just unbelievable how much he was able to do with limited technology... he was able to pull off such a imaginative and affective images by using mostly juxtaposing images... and all the characters were played out sincerely... couldn't believe it was made in 1926...
the following evening was "les bonnes femmes" by claude chabrol... had a very eerie and haunting ending... about 4 young girls living in paris in 1960 trying to figure out what they want in their lives including love... seems like things haven't changed all that much in year 2006... the ending reminded me of " le notti di cabiria" which came out 3 years earlier...
then last night was wong kar-wai's "days of being wild" with leslie cheung and maggie cheung... oh my, i loved it... so poignant and sad... think wong kar-wai must be a hopeless romantic... which i probably am... there were so many lines in the movie that went right to my soft spot and made me feel very melancholic... woo... why do we fall in with love someone who cannot give us (well, at least that's my tendency) what we want... then should we care so much about if we can get it, whatever that is, or not, then decide to be with that person or not...? meanwhile do we even know what we really want...? why can't we just reach out to each other and realize that life is short and we live only once... and you may never get another chance with this person... even though you might end up broken hearted... ah... that hurts too... yes, i probably have never made the "right" decision for me in terms of heart... ah yah... but, still, i believe in that thing called love... hey, wong kar-wai knows all too well about it... almost went to see "happy together" tonight then i couldn't bear the idea of watching yet another sad love story with leslie cheung... oh, the scene in "days of being wild" where leslie cheung dances by himself in front of the mirror is absolutely genius...
my heart aches thinking of that movie... eh...
...

stalker...

2006-07-31T16:55:00.000-04:00

so... finally got a chance to watch "stalker" by tarkovsky last night at anthology... my first tarkovsky experience... and it was just fabulous... yes, it's a very slow and meditative movie... yet each scene, i mean every single scene was so breathtakingly beautiful and thoughtful, it didn't feel slow... well, maybe the last 20 minutes just because you knew that the ending was coming...
first of all, the set designs were just perfect... and how he showed them through long shots, either zooming in or out or just going back and forth... was a real work of art... even from the very first scene where the camera slowly zooms in through the open door... when it showed the bedroom, it was just like a gorgeous yet dark painting... made me think how cinema/movie has become the new real art form of this century and the last... it's not painting, not photography, not literature but all combined... and it has even music and sound...! the way tarkovsky utilized the subtle changes of hues, sounds and expressions showed this guy's true genius... and the script... wow... didn't get everything since all the lines are quite philosophical but some of the ones i got were really though provoking and touching... then after reading a bit more about the movie on IMDB.com, i was even more intrigued about his symbolism... especially with the meaning of zone... which grants your inner most wishes that might bring you even death...
definitely going to see it again in near future and hopefully will get even more out of it... sorry zwyeback that you had a bad experience seeing this film for the second time but i don't think i will... i might not be able to watch it in one sitting though...

me and korean language...

2006-07-19T10:45:00.002-04:00

it was fall of year 2003 that i moved to boston to go to school... almost 13 years ago... it's not a short time... the first 7 years i spent in boston, i had more links to korean people and language... had few korean friends and even lived with one of my baby brothers for 4 years... still english became my main language that i used more...
then after moving to new york almost 6 years ago, my usage of korean language declined even more... didn't have any korean speaking friends around and even now still don't... most of the korean people i know and hang out are korean-americans who speak almost zero korean... then after my brother went back to korea from boston 3 years ago, it became rare that i spoke korean at all...
then the problem arose that i started to feel awkward speaking korean... not to my family but to people that i don't have any personal relationships with... for example there are tons of bodegas in new york operated by koreans but when i go to one, i feel awkward speaking it... a friend of mine who is korean-american thinks that i'm embarrassed but i'm not... i feel like that i'm not speaking it in the right way... see, in korean there are many different level of politeness according to the situation, age, social status and so on... and since i still have that stupid good-girl complex, i am frightened to use any words or sentences that are not appropriate... also when i speak in korean, i (almost need to) go into a different mental stage which even changes my physical demeanor... to the one from my teenage period which i grew out of long long time ago... as if speaking korean makes me feel that i'm that awkward shy teenager again... if i was talking to someone for 5 minutes and more, then i'm ok... because it gives me enough time to make the transition and figure out how to speak to that person... then also more vocabulary come back to me that i feel less stupid...
but then also i think it'll be a bit weird that i start speaking korean to all the people in bodegas just assuming that they are fluent in korean...
then also that i feel like i lost a real connection to korean language... as you know language doesn't stay still... it evolves with the culture... and since i've been so away from the culture for such a long time (i haven't been home for 8 years, yep) it's rather obvious that i lost the touch... so whenever i tried to read korean news on line, i have to read at least twice to really feel what it means... it's like my brain understands the words but my heart doesn't really...
yikes... i'm MIA in a massive pool of languages and cultures...

ace in the hole... paradise now... and human interest...

2006-07-16T23:33:00.001-04:00

hmm...
saw this movie about 6 years ago for the first time at a friend's house and it left a really big impression on me... directed by billy wilder starring kirk douglas... as a part of billy wilder retrospective at film forum, this one was the one i couldn't miss...
and it was great second time around...
probably i was able to appreciate the movie even better than 6 years ago especially after watching many older movies plus reading a bit more about billy wilder himself...
this is a story about a newspaper man charles tatum who has been fired by many major newspapers around the country for numerous reasons, left only with his cocky attitude and desire to go back to the real town, new york... after working at a newspaper in albuquerque, new mexico for a year, he grabs a chance of his life time when he learns a cave-in accident and encounter the victim, leo minosa... and with his own personal ambition mingled with other people's desires, this incident creates a media frenzy...
while the story develops, billy wilder shows how greedy and selfish people can be... and how we take many of the news as some sort of entertainment... there's line kirk douglas says, something like, "it's better to have one victim than having 18 people because it makes the story more personal"... and you know what, it's still true... how pathetic is that...? when it's a bombing in iraq or israel that kills many people, it's one of yet another bombing... but when it's a "human interest" story that involves one person, we tend to pay more attention... well, i can only speak for myself... i admit it... after the world cup was over, i was more interested in finding out why zidane butted that italian player than reading what the hell was going on in israel... is it because it's easier on our conscience...?
also i watched "paradise now" a couple of weeks ago which i absolutely loved... it was about 2 palestinian young boys who are assigned for suicide bombing mission... and the movie depicted both sides of people who live there dealing with the issue in their daily lives... it was very powerful and beautifully made movie...
then i also had to ask myself why does it make bigger impact on me when it was presented to me as some kind of "entertainment"... the same thing goes for "an inconvenient truth"... i'm glad i saw those movies and got to think about those issues at least a few more times than i would have if i hadn't watched those movies... but also made me feel a bit shamed...
still i think it's really great that there are many movies dealing with such great subjects... and educate people like me... hmm...

breakfast at tiffany's...

2006-07-07T10:33:00.000-04:00

watched "breakfast at tiffany's" for the first time since i was 10 or something... don't ask me why but it was one of the silly ideas i had while i was feverish... wouldn't that be nice to watch a romantic comedy to make me feel better... audrey hepburn with that little black dress holding a long cigarette holder with that sweet smile... and george peppard from my childhood favorite "the A-team"...
as the opening credit went by, i was pleasantly surprised to see that patricia neal and martin balsam were in it... impressive... then mickey rooney... hmm... as a japanese guy... then it was based on truman capote's novella... wow, didn't know that...
then the movie began... cute, sweet, pretty to look at with many weird details... like holly (audrey hepburn) having been married to a horse doctor when she was 14... ok... and gets paid 50 bucks to go to a powder room... ok, whatever that means... then paul (george peppard) has a rich older girlfriend (patricia neal) who pays for everything including an apartment full of luxury items such as a gold toned telephone and fancy beaded drapes... ok... and the story is, i guess, cute... about love conquers all... two people in situations they don't want to be in anymore and want things to change... then finally george peppard's love reached audrey hepburn's tender-but-self-observed-heart and made her feel what really being in love is like and give her some sense of hope... think that's what the movie was trying to show...
however i didn't feel any warmth from the movie... somehow it felt distant, a bit shallow and too cute... ok, audrey hepburn's holly is cute, adorable and every little thing she does with her eyes are pretty amazing, especially when she's trying not to cry... but i couldn't connect with her... same for george peppard's character... i think it's because the characters seem to want to change their lives but wasn't necessarily "tormented" by it... george peppard's paul didn't seem to feel all that bad about getting money from patricia neal for his service... ok, he tries to write stories and seems to be offended when patricia neal writes her "last"check for him... but he doesn't pack his stuff from the apartment... well... it wasn't dark enough to be light...
so...
it didn't make me feel better... eh... should have watched "the apartment" again...